5dp6dt

The nausea seems to have settled down today. The stomach upsets aren’t as bad. And I don’t feel like my head is on fire anymore. So perhaps I’m getting slightly better?

Anyway, I forgot to pee when I first got up this morning. I’m not sure how I forgot, but I did.

So I waited a few more hours and did a test… well, actually, I did two.

I decided to try a digital because I wasn’t sure if I was just going crazy and imagining two lines.

This is the result from the normal test:

That’s not edited, and I feel like I can see it without editing now. It’s definitely darker from yesterday, but still a squinter. I’ll show a comparison picture:

Remembering the 10dpo test is darker today because it is dry.

Funnily enough, I compared the pregnancy tests at the same point with Scarlett and the line is pretty much exactly the same.

This is the digital test result:

No denying that!

The spotting has stopped… for now. I’m always scared to say it’s completely stopped because that makes me feel like I’m cursing myself. But there was no blood or spotting this morning. 

I’ll update again tomorrow! 😊

(How exciting though, IM PREGNANT!!)

Back to playing the waiting game!

So after last nights episode, I had trouble sleeping, I think I maybe got 3-4 hours tops. Then once I woke up this morning, I just wanted to delay getting out of bed for as long as possible. I didn’t feel like I was bleeding. This may be tmi, but you know when you have a period and you just wake up, sometimes you can feel that you are bleeding? Well, I didn’t have that feeling. So eventually, I got up. But then I delayed going to the toilet for 15 minutes because I was terrified of what I would find on the toilet paper.

Well, eventually I sucked it up and went. I wiped, and all that was on the paper was the dark brown crinone. No dark red blood. We are just back to the dark brown crinone… again.

I called my clinic first thing this morning (after my toilet trip!) and asked for one of the nurses to give me a call back. One did about half an hour later. I explained that I had bleeding previously and after I got the good results from the beta test on Monday, the nurse told me I wouldn’t require any more betas unless I started bleeding again. I explained exactly what happened the night before, the dark red blood, how much there was, the consistency etc. The nurse sounded concerned and said that before she recommends anything, she wants to speak to my doctor. So she told me that she would call me back.

She did, about 20 minutes later, telling me that she spoke to Anne (my doctor) and she wants me to book in for an ultrasound for tomorrow. I told her I was only 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant, so I assumed it was too early to see anything. The told me that at this stage, Anne is worried I have an ectopic pregnancy. The nurse told me not to be too stressed, she said that in not exhibiting any symptoms for an ectopic pregnancy other than the occasional bleeding. I don’t have any cramping (at this stage!), I don’t have pain in my shoulder, and my betas weren’t ‘slow to rise’ so it may be all fine.

Anne apparently told her it could be a number of things, I could have bleeding around the implantation site that is just coming out, it could be ectopic, it could be the start of a miscarriage, or I could be one of those super unlucky people who bleed throughout their whole first trimester (or more!). The nurse warned that tomorrow it will be very unlikely to see a heartbeat, that all we are looking for is the location of the pregnancy, and if it’s in the right spot, if there is any indication of why I’m bleeding.

So I have to go in tomorrow at 11:30 for an ultrasound. I’m really hoping all is good.

Talk soon! X

I think it’s over…

So I just went to the bathroom and (I know, tmi…) there was some brown spotting/discharge on the toilet roll. This usually happens the day before/a few days before my period starts.

From my research, it’s too late for implantation bleeding. Which only leaves one thing, aunt flow is making a visit to town! Because I am a glutton for punishment and I like bitter disappointment, I decided to pee on a stick. Want to guess the results? Yeahp, it was negative.

If the spotting continues I’m going to call my clinic tomorrow so I can arrange to do something. I feel like if I’m getting my period, then I should go in for my blood test earlier, so I can get confirmation that it’s negative which means I can stop my progesterone and start the next cycle of IVF.

I’ll admit that I’m disappointed, it’s not anyone’s fault… I guess I keep wondering if I did something wrong? I know in my head that it probably had nothing to do with me.. That if it didn’t implant it means that there would have been something wrong with the embryo, but it still makes it hard.

It’s completely irrational and I know I sound ridiculous… But I feel like I’ve lost a child. I’m not dismissing anyone’s feelings and I know that no matter what the situation is, when you lose a child, it’s hard. But that was my child. I saw it when it was just a follicle in my ovaries. I saw it when it was just an immature egg. I saw it when it had 4 cells and when it was transferred into my uterus. I met that embryo. And now I know that it probably didn’t survive. I don’t know. I know how crazy I sound, but it was my embryo, it had potential to be my baby. And it’s sad that it’s not a possibility anymore.

Talk soon! X