About

My name is Chantelle. I am 21 and live in Melbourne, Australia. When I was 16, I was diagnosed with PCOS and a low follicle reserve. My follicle reserve was tested again when I was 18 and 19. By 19, it had over-halfed. The doctors told me that given the drop in the numbers, I wouldn’t conceive after I was 25.
I thought about it for a long time before I decided to undergo fertility treatments. Being single, I have had to resort to donor sperm. I started off doing IUI’s- completed three unsuccessful attempts at them. Now I’m completing my first cycle of IVF.
I have made this blog so when I finally tell my family and friends that I am pregnant, they can read through this blog and catch up on everything I’ve gone through. Hopefully they will feel like they haven’t missed out on much given that I’m being so open and honest on here!

14 thoughts on “About

  1. No way! I’m so glad i have found your blog. I’m 21 as well from Australia. Hope you don’t mind another follower 🙂 I think that’s a brilliant idea about the blog sharing after you fall pregnant! Does anyone know your journey? (other than us hehe)

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    1. No way! That is amazing. I am super appreciate for every follower (I’ve followed you to!).
      The only people who know are my mum, and a few really good friends. That leaves my dad, my (biological) mum, and all my mums side of the family (plus a few less close friends).
      This journey is so hard but I don’t want to go telling everyone immediately because I don’t want the constant ‘so are you pregnant yet?’ Questions. How about you?

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  2. Such a fluke as well finding you! Just popped up in my ‘blogs you might be interested in’ um, YEP i’m interested.

    Oh for sure! We told my husbands (we only married in March this year – so he was just my boyfriend at the time) family when we got our MFI diagnosis. I told my Mum and my Dad (i have 0 siblings), my cousin/grandma and 3 of my close friends. They were all devastated as they know how much of a mummy type I am & a Daddy type M is! I’m sure you can relate.

    I just read through your whole blog, I think it’s awesome that you are doing this alone! I would be doing the EXACT same thing. Currently I am awaiting CD1 (i think i’m CD20 or something – 32 day cycles) and we are doing a hysteroscopy and endo scratch before doing our cycle in November. 🙂 I’m so nervous as we have had so many fails already but there’s not much more I can do!

    I can’t wait to see what happens for you – i’m glad they have upped your dosage of Gonal F too! Hopefully it all goes smoothly – i found the 2nd cycle SO much easier…maybe i was a little more prepared and knowledgable.

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    1. Wow! That is a fluke, but thank you WordPress!

      I literally just read through your entire blog to. Wow, what a journey. I am so inspired by the relationship you have with your husband, I think it’s great that you guys are constantly pulling through and trying again.

      I was reading about the psychic tarot reading thing you did. Two years ago I went to see a psychic (before I decided to go through with fertility treatments) that told me I wouldn’t have any kids until I was 28, and I would only ever have 1. I’m trying to prove it wrong, especially because everything else she said was dead on. I’m determined though! Lol

      Thank you for your kind words. It’s been hard at times because I don’t know anyone else going through this so I can’t talk someone’s ear off about it. If I had a partner, I feel like I would have some support and someone would know how I’m feeling and relate. My mum is great, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes it’s like she doesn’t want to hear what I’m saying, or she downplays my experience. If I’m sad, she will just be like ‘it’s fine, stop crying, it’s pointless’. Yes, it IS pointless, but it makes me feel better xD and my friends are my age and relate to me better, but they don’t even have kids in their sights so they don’t understand my struggles. But hey, it will all be worth it in the end. And even though the baby won’t have a dad, I think I’ll love him/her enough for a thousand people.

      I completely understand how you were saying about being worried about people judging based off of your age. I was exactly the same. Don’t get me wrong, I think every person I’ve told, including my friends, have all commented on my age. For me, I don’t have time so my age doesn’t even bother me anymore. I looked at it from the point of view that there are 35 year olds out there that have kids and don’t look after them properly, people of all ages abuse their kids and just don’t treat them nicely. Age does not define a mothers ability to mother, and you and I seem like we will be damn good mothers 🙂

      How frustrating for us. Do you get frustrated? All these people who neglect their kids keep popping them out as if they were rabbits, and here we are spending our life savings and struggling to even have one. You know what, it will be so satisfying when we conceive. Seriously, I’m so excited.

      One of the girls I follow on here posted the other day that instead of saying that she is ‘undergoing fertility treatments’ she is going to tell everyone that she’s almost pregnant. I thought that was great. Because it’s true! We are all on the journey to get there, it’s definitely a matter of when, rather than if. I think the universe will be kind to us eventually. Maybe the universe wanted us to appreciate our babies a little bit more? I don’t know. But I believe everything happens for a reason so I think we both have a baby coming to us soon.

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      1. Awh, thanks. We have a pretty great relationship and have been through some of the worst things together but always seem to make a way to smile through it all!

        Yes the psychic reading was a bad choice on my behalf! I have had 4 psychic readings in my life – one just before I met my now husband basically explained him to a T. She told me I would have 2 pregnancies and 3 children. I saw another psychic about a year later (a different one) who told me this exact same thing – 3 children, possibly twins. (They also told me lots of other random stuff that ended up coming true or was right but i only cared about babies at the time hehe)!

        Oh god, I hope it isn’t when you are 28 but it is better than never! I have come to the conclusion that I will choose my own fate so we will just have to keep on keeping on! Definitely keep trying to prove the psychic wrong! We can do it together; like our personal goal 😉

        I really have to commend you on your strength to do this. It is such a big choice and I can just imagine how hard it would be especially at 21 – but age is just a number I defs feel like i’m like 40 haha such a granny! I think that people usually don’t understand, especially since we are in such a low age bracket, i know hardly any of my friends are thinking of babies and the ones that have them are all like ‘omg such an accident!’

        In this day and age, a mumma can play both roles. You’ll be fine. Just don’t forget about yourself on this journey – that’s what I have to keep telling myself.

        I do get frustrated about peoples ability to have babies and not love them, when I just sit here doing the same old thing month after month! I try not to think about it or my brain will explode! But, I know in my heart I will be a mumma one day; whether it be through adoption or surrogacy or HOPEFULLY a baby of my own! It’s just so hard because we have literally no answers at all. We thought we had a great answer and understanding when we found out our MFI diagnosis and now with not one positive test we are under the impression that it might be NKC’s or immune problems. I don’t know if you saw my post about my skin rash about 8 days post our first transfer. It was almost as though my body freaked out from having a foreign embryo put into my uterus and ever since then i just kill e’rything 😉 Not what you want.

        I always say that to my partner – I’m always saying that I will appreciate this baby so much. When we first started ttc, M would say ‘I really want a boy at one point’ and now it’s all ‘i don’t care what it is – give me 5 girls’ He feels so silly about being so daft about a gender when really what he wanted was just family. We’ll both get there- i’m just so happy i’ve found you 🙂

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      2. Oh wow, that’s actually so interesting about the two different psychics! For the last month or so (after I saw an add on tv) I’ve wanted to go to a psychic again, but I’m terrified of what they will tell me. Sure, it would be great if they were like ‘I see a baby in your very near future!’. But if they tell me not to expect it until I’m 28, I think it will just shatter me. But yes! We will beat the psychics together! Lol

        Thanks. I feel exactly the same way! I may as well be a 40 year old. To be honest, I think this experience kind of matures you a lot to. Don’t get me wrong, I think I’ve always been very mature for my age (you probably found the same thing since you started trying ‘early’ in your life) but I think going through this really makes you grow up and appreciate it all the more.

        Yeah, when I was reading your blog I was thinking the same thing, as in why ivf hasn’t worked already. I went to this ivf expo in Melbourne (I don’t know where in Australia you live so you may have heard of it?) and it explained why ivf may not work. Obviously it went through poor quality of embryos, the mothers body rejecting it due to the medication build up in her system, implantation problems, NKC’s, not making enough eggs during the stim process and therefore not being able to make several good quality embryos etc. But what I found the most amazing was the simple things that apparently help. Now I can’t remember all the specifics behind it, but apparently most Australians are deficient in magnesium and vitamin d. If I remember correctly, vitamin d actually helps with implantation and magnesium helps to keep the uterus from rejecting the embryo (due to the fact it relaxes the muscles). Like I said, they went into huge details about it, and I can’t remember the specifics, but straight away I started taking magnesium and vitamin D. Maybe something you should look into as well? I don’t know if any of them work, if you saw all the vitamins and supplements I take I’m sure you would think I’m some sort of addict, but I’ll be able to let you know once I’m finished this cycle!

        I know you said that you have been doing acupuncture, but have you tried reflexology? Like I said, I don’t know where you live in Australia, but I live in Melbourne and I see this fabulous lady who had been doing it forever. She has a 90-something percent success rate (I think it was 93 from memory?) and she said that it would be higher, but she works with a lot of older women (in their late 40’s) who try to conceive. I see her every two weeks and even in general, I absolutely feel the difference after I go. We just did s treatment the other day to try to grow my follicles, so we will see how that goes when I go in on Friday. If you do live in Melbourne, I’d be more than happy to pass on her details, because she is fabulous! Even if you don’t, Google reflexology for fertility and look at the results. If I find the page again I will, but I found a study a while back saying that in some cases, reflexology can be better for the mother-to-be because it’s less stress on the body (as in no needles are penetrating the skin) but pulse points and meridians are all still being worked with. I don’t know if it’s something you would be interested in, but just in case 🙂

        And I was exactly the same, constantly like ‘I want a girl! Give me a girl!’ But now I’m like ‘GIVE ME ANYTHING AND I WILL LOVE ITS STUFFING MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF!!’.

        We will both get there, that I am sure of. And me too! Seriously, it’s one thing to relate to people going through ivf, but when you find someone your own age, it’s amazing! Especially at our age!

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      3. I know it’s crazy – our previous doctor was basically like ‘yep, if you don’t fall pregnant by the second attempt i would be EXTREMELY surprised’ Here we are 4 cycles later and nothing haha! I was in Brisbane for our first cycles and this is where I had lived for ages. I saw a naturopath who was an fertility acupuncturist who was awesome! I loved him but since we have now moved to a regional area (we are now on the NSW/VIC border , there isn’t much to choose from!

        I currently take – a prenatal vitamin, vitamin D tablets, maca powder, vitamin c, vitamin e and i’m sure there’s more but i can’t remember! I only started taking vitamin D when I moved down here since the lack of sunshine and all 😉 but hopefully it makes it work! If it doesn’t work this cycle, we do have a plan. There’s a doctor in Sydney who is a reproductive immunologist who does intralipids and other alternate therapies, so i will travel to Syd to see him BUT hopefully we don’t need that! I’m just hoping we get a lot of good embryos this time so that we can have some frosties and just try them out! I had 5 embryos in total on our first cycle so we transferred one and had 4 frozen, so if i could get around the same with this higher dosage i’ll feel better. I’m sure you will get more this time – 100iu gonal F was crappy for me even though I had heaps of follicles, (i know you have PCOS though but still 😉 ).

        I will look into reflexology, i feel like i’ll look into anything at the moment! Hahaha I so badly don’t care what we get! As long as it’s happy and healthy I would be so happy ( i know people say this all the time but i am so legit!)

        Haha you make me laugh, ‘i will love it’s stuffing more than life itself!’

        Yeah exactly, sometimes I feel a little brushed off almost as though ‘i have plenty of time’ and they don’t. That’s ok though – i suppose it’s true. By the time i’m 35 there might be heaps of different and new techniques from science so I am grateful to be in this day and age – i just hope it doesn’t come down to that! 🙂

        Are you on any forums or anything? I have a babyandbump account that I am usually on, if you have one and want to follow me it’s eveclo 🙂 if not – that’s cool! I know there’s a billion sites out there I think this blog might even be enough for me!

        Hope you’re having a great day.

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      4. Exactly, my doctor was the same. I did 3 IUI’s before I did my first round of ivf and each and every time I went in for an IUI, my doctor was like ‘due to your age, and the fact you respond so well to clomid, I think that this is the time’. And I guess the first time technically worked, but not really. Then with ivf, my doctor was like, because of your age, I’m quietly confident that this will work this time! And nope. When I spoke to her on the phone about this cycle, she’s like, look, I thought it would have worked already so I can guarantee that it will work, but I am hopeful that it will.

        Oh good! It sounds like you’re fine with the vitamin regime, lol! I’ll be so happy when I can stop taking all the crazy vitamins. It’s fine when you’re only taking maybe 1-5 a day, but when you’re on 19 tablets a day, you got over it pretty quick!

        From the sounds of your new doctor, I feel like he’s taking you a lot more seriously, which is great. I was talking to my reflexologist a few weeks back about the doctors and my doctor is the same, for this cycle she has upped her treatment plan quite significantly, done more testing etc. I think that when they look at our age, they assume that they can treat us as if we have no problems. I know in your case your husband has the MFI and you haven’t been diagnosed with anything, and I don’t know about your first doctor, but when I started treatments, I had almost no testing done. Sure, they tested for the main things like diseases, rH factor, CMV status and whatnot, but I was never even told about things like a hysteroscopy, NKC, clotting tests or anything until AFTER my first round of ivf. That annoyed me. But it sounds as if your new doctor has stepped things up. Even if everything comes out normal, at least you’ll know the answers to these things and know there is no abnormalities. I’m sure you will get more eggs next time. I am on 250iu gonal f this time, and I am on my fourth day now and I can already feel my ovaries getting bigger. I know that sounds strange, but you probably know what I’m talking about. I didn’t feel the ‘full’ feeling until 20 days of stimming last time, but now, after only 3 injections (in a few hours, four!) I can already start to feel it. I think that will mean more eggs. And hey, if you managed to get 5 embryos out of last one, with a bigger dose this time I’m sure you will get more.

        I don’t want to seem pushy- please don’t take anything I’m saying that way, I’m only trying to share what I’ve been told, but has your doctor told you about melatonin and DHEA supplements? I’m taking them, and like I said, I’ve only been taking them for this cycle so I can’t comment on their effectiveness until later, but I’ve read good things about them. Both of them are prescription so you need to talk to the doctor about them, but I figure they don’t harm, so why not? Melatonin apparently improves the quality of eggs, and DHEA improves the quality. Something else to think about? Although, let me just warn that they are expensive. I have been taking them for a little over two months now and they do burn a hole in your bank account. Lol. They aren’t THAT bad I’m comparison to some other supplements, but they are expensive. Although, you only really take them the month before and the month during your ivf cycle so it’s not too bad overall.

        I haven’t actually heard of babyandbump so I’ll look into it and join! Other than that, I’m really only on here. I go on the ‘what to expect’ app and I’m on the forums there a lot, but i haven’t really joined anything else. I’ll look up the babyandbump thing now 🙂

        I am! Just a lazy day at uni today. Lol. Hope you had a good one to!

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      5. It’s so hard when you feel like they have confidence but it doesn’t work! It makes me feel so bad. Like i’m a lost case. I refuse to except that though! I haven’t asked about it, and my doctor seems to think there is nothing wrong with my eggs at all! I might ask him at our next appointment which will probably be the hysteroscopy. I wanted to transfer 2 embryos as well (i did this on our last cycle with my old doctor) but when I saw our form it just said ‘1 embryo’. I asked the nurse about this and she said i will have to discuss it with him closer to the date and see how we are going, although he only likes to transfer 1 embryo in under 35’s. But i’m like, hello? 4 failed transfers… haha. I’ll roll with it. I would rather transfer 1 at a time IF i am killing them- cos they’ve been good ones! Just don’t make it once they’re in me!

        Thank you for suggesting those – you’re not being pushy at all – it’s very helpful 🙂

        and HOLY 20 days of stims? I usually had my EPU on CD 14 so i only did about 12 days of stims. BUT i know exactly what you mean. The last cycle i could cup my hands over my ovaries and push down a little and i could literally feel them – sooo gross! But i liked to feel that they were working! I really hope i don’t get OHSS though, as i was pretty ill on the first cycle but i think my body is getting used to it now! Hopefully heh 😉

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      6. Exactly.

        Wow, I would have thought that they would make an exception when you’ve had four failed transfers! Especially since the ones you transferred back all looked good before the transfer. Whether you are under 35 or not, clearly you’re not reacting like a ‘typical’ 21 year old, therefore they shouldn’t treat you like one. Although, if they find something abnormal, fix it, THEN only want to transfer one, I would understand, but in your case, I don’t see why they would have a problem transferring two back. It’s not like you want to put four in at a time! Two is completely reasonable.

        And at our age, our eggs should be of good quality since they are only 21 years old. I’ve never been able to tell considering even though they got 4 eggs last time, all four were immature (until 8 hours later when one finally matured!) and that embryo ended up having a small amount of fragmentation. My doctor was like ‘well it can’t hurt, but it may help!’ So I was like, alright, hand me the prescription! Lol!

        Yeah, I think I was stimming for 24 days in total. I can’t even remember, it was way too long. So hopefully this time is less time and more eggs!

        Oh wow! I never got quite that far, but I remember bending certain ways and feeling them sort of move. Definitely made me sort of squeamish when I would feel them roll to a certain side! Haha. Maybe this time I’ll be able to cup them to! That would be awesome!

        And yes, OHSS is a definite scary point. Although, my doctor said it’s generally only in people who get a ridiculous amount of eggs- generally over 20 in one pick up. My doctor said if she suspects there will be too many eggs, she just cancels the cycle straight up. I don’t know about you, but secretly, 20 eggs sounds like a dream to me. Then I drift back down to reality and think ‘you know, I’d rather not sit in hospital for a few days in pain with drain tubes sticking out of me’. Haha! I think we will be fine.

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  3. o0o A little later than all the current comments – but I just found your blog; Am so glad too aswell! I’m in a similar boat – 22; and about to go through IVF in November in NZ. Always good to find like minded people. I’m off to catch up on your journey though! I guess by your gorgeous bundle it was successful x

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