20 weeks

This week has been a bit of a doozy already.

Two weeks ago I was pretty sick. If you read my last post, the doctor was baffled that I was coughing up phlegm but that my chest was clear.

Well, I got some news yesterday. 

We’ve had this bird at work that had been boarding with us. For those who don’t know, I’m a veterinary nurse. This bird was basically just waiting for one of our bird carers to return from holidays then he was getting passed on to him.

The guy came back today so yesterday we decided to run a plethora of tests on this bird to make sure it was okay.

Now, this bird had been at our clinic for nearly 3 weeks. Over the last week lots of our staff have been randomly getting sick. We assumed that we all work in a small environment so we are just passing sickness around to each other.

Well, probably not the case.

The bird was positive for Chlamydia. Which doesn’t sound like much of an issue, until you realise that Chlamydia in birds is transferable to humans.

Want to know what the major symptoms are in a human who has caught it from a bird? Chest infection. Lethargy. Temperatures.

Guess what we have all had at work? Those exact symptoms.

Everyone else thinks it’s hilarious, but not me. I’m the only pregnant one, and I’m the one who started out with this sickness!

So today I went to my doctor.

I originally had the appointment booked for Scarlett and myself to get our flu shots.

The clinic I go to is a rather small clinic and I wanted to make sure BEFORE I made the appointment that they stocked the junior flu vaccines and that they were available for private purchase (technically since Scarlett doesn’t have any medical conditions, I have to pay to get he vaccine done privately for her).

I was assured by the receptionist that they do have them and yes, they are available to the public to buy.

Well, the doctor had other plans. This clinic is usually great, but wait times are terrible. One time I was waiting just over 2 hours to go into my scheduled appointment. Every single time I’ve been there I’ve had to wait at least an hour. Today was 65 minutes.

Only to be told that Scarlett could not have hers today. That I would have to get a script, go to a chemist and get it ordered in, then come back, make another appointment, then wait for said appointment, and have it done then.

He first tried to tell me that children under 3 couldn’t get the vaccine. I told him she had it last year without any issues. He told me I was confused and it wouldn’t be what she had. I told him it was the junior vaccine and he replied ‘oh I forgot about the junior one’. 😐

I was mad, mainly because it’s already flu season and the doctor was refusing to give her the vaccine. My point of view is that I was told she could have it, I double checked twice! I know they have them in stock and at this moment, there aren’t 10 children in the waiting room asking to be vaccinated. If he needed to get more stock, he could order it and it would be in by Monday- I know how ordering works since I’m in a healthcare business too.

But no, he refused to give it to her. Which made me pissed because now I have to find another day when I’m not working to go to a chemist and order it in, then another day to collect it, and then another day to get th doctor to give it to her and update her vaccine records.

Majorly pissed.

Which brings me back to my chlamydia story.

I explained what happened with the bird and told him what symptoms I had. I reminded him about the antibiotics and gave him a printout of the confirmation of diagnosis of the bird.

I told him my boss recommended a blood test to see if I had it- it’s some sort of antibody blood test to check it my body has antibodies for it (if it does, then I did have it, but if it doesn’t it means I’m in the clear). He immediately told me that he’s not the person to be talking to about this and that if I wanted, he could refer me to a specialist. I declined and asked if he could just give me the blood test and if he knew if the baby was safe or not.

He told me he wouldn’t give me the blood test as ‘whatever happens, happens’ and that a blood test won’t change that. 

He proceeded to say that he knows it can cause miscarriage, then he asked how far along I am.

‘I’m just over 20 weeks’

‘Oh! Well it won’t be a miscarriage then, it will be a still birth. You’ll get a death certificate and everything’ 


He said it like he was proud of picking that little detail up! What the actual fuck?

Anyway, I’m going to see another doctor tomorrow for a second opinion.

I just want my baby to be safe.

So anyway, then I’m at a friends place tonight. This friend is the one I always talk about, my best friend.

At least, she used to be before I had Scarlett. When you have kids before your friends, it really shows who is a true friend and who is not.

This friend always went on and on about being so excited for when Scarlett had her first dance concert. It’s always been something on the cards.

Anyway, Scarlett started dance class in January of this year. We have just been given her concert dates for the end of the year.

While I was at my friends house, I thought I would give her the date in advance so she can plan around it since I knew how much she wanted to come. Literally, this is something she has spoken about since I was pregnant.

But tonight, when I told her, her answer was ‘pffff I’m not going to that!’.

I shouldnt be surprised. This is the same person who knew the date and time of my baby shower months in advance, and decided to stay for 20 minutes out of a 2 hour event because she forgot to roster herself off work.

This is the same person who blew off her first mini maestros (music) concert.

The same person who offered to help set up for her birthday party then came and complained about how much work there was to do, sat on her phone for an hour then left because I wasn’t ‘utilising’ her. 

Since Scarlett came along, she’s really not been a great support. 

So when she gave me that answer, I couldn’t help but question her. It’s not that I insist on friends coming to Scarlett’s events, but don’t swear that you will be at her first dance concert then give me that reaction.

When I questioned her, her answer was ‘she’s only going to be 2 and a half, she doesn’t even know what dancing is. What’s the point of going to a dance concert to watch a 2 year old do nothing?’

My blood boiled.

Well, you wouldn’t know what she is capable of because you’ve never been to any of her lessons or any of her open days. You never came to her music concert so you didn’t see her dance there either. The point of coming to a concert is support and you are giving fuck all of that!!

I was pretty mad, as you can tell.

I’m sure this week is wreaking havoc on my blood pressure. Anyway, next scan is next week. I’m feeling good, still pretty comfortable and energetic to a certain extent. It’s getting harder finding a nice sleep position. I’ll have to bring out my body pillow soon. I’m feeling short of breath sometimes too, guess that’s just things moving around.

But good overall!

18 weeks

This post was written a while back. I haven’t had the chance to post it! 
Today I am 18 weeks and 5 days pregnant. This week has been good and bad.
Remember how just last week I said that I hardly felt him move and I thought that I should be feeling him regularly by now? Well, this week has recitified that. And in fact, a few times I have felt him from the outside.

He hates when I touch my belly when he kicks though. He immediately stops kicking until I remove my hand. Literally, this has happened every single times I’ve tried to feel it!

I think the reason for feeling this movement is because I’ve been sick this week, so I’ve been sitting/resting more than usual.

It started at 18 weeks and 1 day, I woke up with cold like symptoms. Sore throat. Runny/blocked nose. Tired.

Within 2 days it progressed to a chesty cough, green phlegm, lethargy, sore ears, headaches, and a feeling like someone is sitting on my chest.

I wasn’t sure if this was something to worry about, especially being pregnant, so I saw the doctor who said my chest was clear, but was puzzled about the green phlegm. I even coughed it up and showed him.

He said that regardless, he was going to give me antibiotics because if it’s green it usually means infection- but he had no idea where the infection was or if it was bacterial or viral. He basically told me to take the antibiotics and if it doesn’t clear up, to assume it’s viral and to wait it out. Greatttt.

Today is the first day in 2 days that I’ve had the energy to do anything, including shower. Poor Scarlett has been stuck in the house doing nothing.

She is so good though. I can usually keep her entertained by either pretend play (where I don’t have to move- eg. She’s a doctor stitching up my feet, someone has ‘called’ on the phone for her, making me a cup of tea etc.) or getting her to watch YouTube. My saving grace is that she seems to be sick as well. I know that usually that would be a nightmare, but she usually sleeps so well when she is sick (as in, 12 full hours a night!). And she usually doesn’t want to do much so I really don’t have to do much but cuddles and small play.

Otherwise things are good.

My family friend just had a baby. She’s completely anti c section and luckily (for her mental health) was able to have a vaginal birth. Which is fine, good on her. 

She’s been fully updated about my situation and my impending c section. You know what she decided to do? She tagged me in this video on Facebook about these C sections ‘gone wrong’.

One had a baby come out that had been accidentally cut on the arm. One had a vertical incision and the cut went from lower stomach to pretty much middle of the stomach. One had a mother who had a c section days before with a massively infected incision. Then there were photos of ‘complications’, like an incision that had split open ‘after sneezing’, and a baby hooked up to a ventilator because it ‘didn’t receive the good bacteria from the mothers vagina’ and got an infection soon after birth.

I was sitting there thinking ‘why the fuck would you tag me in these things?’

If a friend or family member of yours had to have a c section for medical reasons, wouldn’t you try to be supportive and not tag her in things like that? Sure, be horrified, but don’t tag the person who is already scared of it!

I don’t know, I guess I just found it weird and a bit offensive.

But on a happier note, things have been going good!

Name and updates!

I’ve finally decided on a name. This time it was much harder to pick a name. I feel like I didn’t love any boys names. There were names I liked, but I just couldn’t imagine using. I found this website that gave tips to finding your baby’s name. They suggested writing it down over and over, imagining calling out the name at a park.

I loved the name Nate, but found it so informal. Don’t get me wrong, I really do like it, but I would prefer to give him a name like Nathaniel. Problem is, why give a child a name if you have no intentions of ever calling him that?

So then I considered names that went well with Scarlett’s name. 

I always liked the name Reece, and after writing it down and pretending to shout it with Scarlett’s name, I realised it fit perfectly.


Now a middle name? I always thought his middle name would be Dylan, after my brother.

But after this whole thing with my mum, it just didn’t feel right. 

My mum always loved the name Kyle for a boy. She always wanted me to give him Kyle as a first name but it wasn’t a name I loved.

But after thinking about it, I think Reece Kyle sounds nice.

I figure since Scarlett is named after my mum, why not this little boy?

Reece Kyle.

I love it.

Now in terms of an update for him!

Since about week 13 I swear I could feel him move. Very sporadically. Never regularly. It was always weak and usually only when I was laying down.

I’m now 17 weeks and 3 days and I really don’t feel that the movement has increased. With Scarlett, I started feeling sporadic movement from 17+4 weeks, so the equivalent to tomorrow. But it wasn’t regular movements until 21 weeks.

I know technically i started feeling this baby earlier than Scarlett, but I feel like I should be feeling regular movements bu now! He may just be as lazy as Scarlett was, and therefore very inactive, and since he’s so small I’m missing his movements. I don’t know.

I am overweight so that doesn’t help. I do have my Doppler so when I get worried I’ve been using that. It’s certainly got its money worth already! 😄

Otherwise, I’m feeling well in myself. Still can’t eat a lot of food. Nothing ever sounds good unless it’s takeaway… which is really bad! It’s so hard finding things to eat that actually sound good and majority of the time I find myself just stuffing down something I’m not interested in just to remain slightly healthy!

I’ve lost 8.8kg since the beginning of the pregnancy. So I can’t be doing too bad with eating. Of course, I’m not trying to lose weight. It just seems to be how my body works when I’m pregnant! Last pregnancy I lost 12kg, but of course I gained 3kg in the last 3 weeks, so it was 15kg until I put a bit on.

Ive ordered a double pram. It’s just the double version of my current pram in a different colour. I still need to get the swing, car seat and swaddles, by otherwise I’m completely sorted for everything else like clothes and dummies.

Actually, I do need to get him some socks. 

I’m still bleeding! It’s been dark brown for the last few weeks but consistent and I always have one (at least) gush per day.

I have cramping on and off. I think it’s more stretching pains than anything else.

Also, I’ve decided to definitely go with the C-Section.

I do have an awful lot of questions for the OB however. I don’t see her until 28 weeks so essentially, not for another 10 weeks! However, I do see the midwife at 22 weeks (4 weeks away) so I’m hoping she can start the booking process and answer some of my questions.

Otherwise, all is good! I will feel much better when this bleeding stops and he starts kicking more. Hopefully soon!

Heart ultrasound #2

I went back to the fetal cardiologist this week to get baby boys heart checked again. I must say, I never really thought anything was wrong, but I was always happy to get some extra ultrasounds!

So I went and they had a sonographer check him out first, then the specialist came in.

Nothing is wrong with his heart. No fluid surrounding it. It’s the right size and on the right angle. Valves look great. Arteries look great. Everything is where is should be.


Plus, he was measuring a whole week ahead with most things! I was 16 weeks and 2 days when I went, and his legs were measuring 17 weeks and 2 days! The arms were exactly on 17 weeks, as was the head and the belly was measuring 16 weeks and 5 days.

So essentially, it looks like he’s going to be exactly like scarlett, tall with a skinny waist!

A small update with my mum- she got out of hospital yesterday. That’s after an 11 night stay. They diagnosed her with mild heart failure and they shocked her heart so she is out of AF (an irregular heart rhythm). She has to stay on all these medications that she will likely be on for the rest of her life. But they said that they are confident it won’t affect her life span AS LONG as she changes her lifestyle and drops some weight to take the strain off the heart.

So she starts her diet on Monday. I will help her of course, but I can’t exactly diet because I am pregnant. Of course, I can eat healthier!!

Here are some pictures I got from the ultrasound!

Obstetrician appointment- Birth!

I saw the obstetrician the other day. She wanted to talk to me about my mode of birth, which was the main thing I wanted to speak about to.

So she started off by wanting to know how I thought my first birth was. I explained that I found th birth fine, but the recovery traumatic, especially with all the tearing.

For anyone new or for anyone who doesn’t remember, I had 3rd and 4th degree tears after delivering Scarlett, as well as an episiotomy. 

She asked if I had any long term ‘damage or concerns’. I explained that I saw a physio for nearly the whole first year of Scarlett’s life for urinary incontinence. I told her that I went every week to every fortnight and I religiously did my kegal exercises. I told her that the improvement happened within the first 4 months, and by 6 months post birth I had no improvement at all. I persevered and at 10 and a half months exactly, the physio told me that the incontinence would not get any better and this looks like it’s the best it’s going to get.

So I’ve learned to live with it.

She was concerned about that because at my age, she thought I should bounce back better than that.

So then she read the surgical report, because again, after Scarlett was born I was whisked away into surgery and had to be stitched up for 4 hours in a theatre due to the severe tears.

She was grimacing the whole time.

She asked to then do an internal. I consented.

I got undressed and she explained that she was first going to look with a speculum, then she was going to take it out and insert her finger. If it was sore at any point or if I thought I could feel scar tissue or any areas that ‘didn’t feel right’ to let her know.

She grimaced when she put the speculum in.

Then she pulled it out and started with her finger. It hurt in 2 spots and i probably pointed out another 2 or 3 spots that felt strange… sort of bumpy but also very weak.

So sighed then and pulled her finger out. She explained that I pointed out every bit of scar tissue that she could see. It turns out, the two spots that hurt were where the 4th degree tears were. She even showed me a diagram the surgeon drew and pointed out exactly where he had drawn the 3rd vs 4th degree tears.

I got changed and asked her what all this meant.

She said that since I could feel the scar tissue and it was still sensitive nearly 2 years after birth, it wasn’t a good sign. She said that she could almost guarantee that the 4th degree tears will re tear, but isn’t 100% sure what would happen to the 3rd degree tears.

She said it could go either way. She told me the fact that I could feel the scar tissue was not a good sign, as it indicates a weakness in the vaginal wall. She said because I have so much scar tissue in and around my vagina, it likely won’t stretch and will re-tear. Because where the scar tissue is, they can’t even do a long therapeutic cut so baby boy will have an easier time getting out and so I don’t tear worse the second time around.

She explained that scar tissue doesn’t really have a lot of… I think she said collagen? The stuff that makes the skin stretchy… scar tissue doesn’t have a lot of that and so it usually won’t stretch. She doesn’t think I would develop any more tears, but she thinks the ones I had will re-tear and they will likely be worse this time round (meaning all of them are likely to be 4th degree tears rather than just the 2).

She explained that given the amount of scar tissue and the urinary incontinence, she would not be confident with another vaginal birth. She said that since I had 2 4th degree tears, I was very lucky to not have any faecal incontinence. She said this time I may not be that lucky. She said that about 50% of her patients who have several 4th degree tears require the regular use of adult diapers during the first year after birth because they don’t have the ability to control their bowels and don’t realise that faecal matter has escaped.

She said given my age, this is not something I should have to put up with and would feel much more comfortable organising an elective c section.

After being informed about the chances of what will happen by a medical professional, and someone who does this on a regular basis too, I feel confident trusting her opinion. So it looks like I’m going to be having a c section!!

Updates- mum in hospital

Hello everyone. It’s been a long time since I was on here… or at least a long time since I had a spare minute to write a post.

My mum has been in hospital for 6 days now. She was originally admitted for a chest infection that didn’t seem to get any better. She was short of breath and couldn’t really walk more than a few meters without having to sit down.

After lots of tests, they found that ontop of an infection, she had an irregular heartbeat (atrial fibrillation) and it was racing. I’m talking 180 beats per minute racing.

Safe to say she didn’t wait in emergency long.

After a weeks worth of tests, they have discovered that her heart function has been impaired, either from this irregular rythm or from the infection spreading to her heart and attacking the muscle.

Since the heart has been compromised and can not do its job efficiently, she has been diagnosed with heart failure.

The doctor doesn’t think it’s bad enough to kill her and is confident that with medication and regular check ups, that she will not have her life shortened, but it’s scary.

Heart failure. Does anyone else hear that and think of imminent death? I don’t know, I do.

Anyway, they want to get her heartbeat under control before they release her. They have tried 3 different medications at this point and nothing has worked. They have 2 medications left to try, one of which she started last night, and so far it has reduced her heartbeat slightly. Of course, all of these things take time to work and the longer her heart races, the higher chance she has of further damaging her heart.

It’s funny how many MET calls have been done for her. 

She’s completely asymptomatic so that’s great. She can’t even feel her heart racing. But they won’t release her until it consistently sits under 100, ideally under 90 beats per minute.

So it looks like she has at least another few days in hospital, which sucks, because she HATES the hospital and I’m certain the anxiety of having to stay there alone is increasing her heart rate. 


I saw the obstetrician the other day. I’m going to make a different post about what we spoke about, but I just wanted to give this update so people know that I’m okay! Just super busy. I’ve been spending every day with my mum in hospital from 8:30am to 8:30pm.

All the while looking after a toddler, being pregnant and keeping things up to date at home. I’m exhausted. And so is Scarlett. The hospital is such an awkward place for toddlers to spend their days. But Scarlett is so good.

Second big bleed

So this morning I woke up and I could just tell that there would be a waterfall of blood as soon as I moved/stood. 

Sure enough, I quickly stood and *GUSH*

I ran to the toilet, okay, waddled, to investigate. Surprisingly the blood was there, but it was watered down. Like, it was red, but it seemed like a few cups of water had been added to it, and then poured over the pad. So I found that strange.

Later on I had a shower and I had that dizzy feeling in there again, like I was going to pass out.

I don’t know how, but I knew I was in for another big bleed. I didn’t have cramping, but the passing out feeling was exactly the same as last time. 

So I finished my shower and went to lay down. This time I folded my towel and put it under me before I layed down, just in case.

Sure enough, within a few minutes I felt that… build up? In my vagina and I knew blood was building. I shoved the towel between my legs and sat up, and *GUSH*

Followed by more gushing, and more gushing, and more gushing.

Not as much as last time, but still a lot of blood. I knew that I couldn’t tell how much or how quickly it was coming out until I put a pad on, so that’s what I did.

I put a pad on and felt gush after gush. I filled the first pad in just over an hour.

Even though I’ve had steady gushes (much smaller gushes) every 10-20 minutes, it’s been two hours since the last pad change and it’s only about half full. 

It seems that I’m just destined to bleed! 

I had the most mortifying experience this morning. After I had the watery blood come out everywhere (literally it went all over the pad and my underwear!) I took off my underwear and stuck it at the side of my bed so that I could soak my undies and everything after I was finished in the shower.  I shut my door and figured that was a good enough way to keep people out. Nope.

My dad decided he was going to go in and straighten up my room because our cleaner was due to come today. Well, he obviously thought my undies were a tissue or something because he went to pick them up. 

I saw this as I walked back into my room after forgetting a new bottle of soap. Ew.

Now, I’ll talk blood and periods with anyone. But my dad isn’t like that. You even bring up a period around him and he walks out of the room. So imagine him picking up my bloody underwear and inspecting it before realising what it was before throwing them back down as if he had been burnt. Oops 😄

I purchased a sonoline B Doppler today. I used one with Scarlett after I stopped bleeding and it eased my mind so much. I considered not buying one this time, but with all this bleeding, I need it to ease my mind.

Problem was, it won’t be here until the beginning of May. Which won’t help me over Easter or the next few weeks! I ended up getting it on eBay and I only paid $50 for it. If I purchased it from somewhere where it will get to me quicker, I would have spent upwards of $90.

I just have to trust that baby boy is still okay until it gets here.

But, the bleeding continues. Yay.

Heart and bleeding update!

Hello everyone. Firstly, I just want to start of by thanking each and every one of you for your well wishes and kind words. It meant the world to me to see how much support I have on here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Now for an update!

So I had the second ’12 week ultrasound’. If you remember, I had to book a second one after they rang and told me that they thought this baby had something wrong with his heart.

So I got there and like I said, I was seeing a fetal cardiologist. So a specialist. She had a fancy office and gave me hot chocolate on arrival and even sent me home with some Easter eggs!

She explained that she wasn’t too concerned about the heart itself, but the fact that it had fluid surrounding it. This was news to me because the sonographer told me a few days before ‘what a beautiful looking heart!’ And how ‘perfect’ everything looked.

So she starts the ultrasound and starts with an external one. She then swaps to transvaginal. Then back to external. Then back to transvaginal. And finally back to external.

Each view she gets she isn’t saying too much about. She’s doing lots of measurements and these weird angle looking things.

In the end she tells me that she can’t see any fluid surrounding the heart, but she wants to see me again at 16 weeks to make sure.

She said there are a few other things that do concern her. She said the nuchal fold is slightly thicker than normal. She said she doesn’t want it over 3.5 and this baby was 3.0. So it was in the range of normal, but on the high side.

I’m not worried because my NIPT results showed low risk for everything. He also had a ‘beautiful’ nasal bone that has been sighted by 3 different sonographers! There are no white spots on his heart or anything like that. So I’m not really concerned anymore. I think they are just being overly cautious, which I think is awesome.

Now, in terms of the SCH.

The bleeding continues. The day it happened I bled pretty much up until bed time, although it did taper off slightly throughout the day.

The next day I woke up to lots of blood. Well, when I say lots of blood, it was enough to get on the pad I had on, but it wasn’t enough to fill it. Again, it tapered off throughout the day and by the time bedtime came, it was a rusty brown colour.

This morning was the same. I woke up to blood, although less than yesterday, but it was more red than it was the night before. Throughout the day it has gotten lighter in flow. Only once has it touched the pad, which is amazing. And it’s mostly a brown colour. It looks like brown coloured discharge now. But let’s be honest, I’ll still probably wake up to red blood tomorrow. That just seems to be my pattern.

From what I’ve read, that is completely normal. Most people have 1 bigger bleed per day and then it gets lighter. Then the next day the same thing happens until it stops all together; usually a few weeks down the track.

So that’s where I’m at! Trying to rest and recover as best I can 😊

ER Hospital visit

So I have so much to update on. As you probably seen from my last post, I ended up in hospital for the day due to heavy (not sure if ‘heavy’ even covers the amount of blood I lost) bleeding. I should probably start at the start.

Last week I had my 12 week ultrasound. At the time, everything seemed to go really great! Baby boy wouldn’t stop moving so it was so difficult getting pictures. I was in the ultrasound room for an hour and a half just getting the ultrasound done. We switched to transvaginal twice because we thought it may get better views or at least calm baby down.

Anyway, the sonographer was happy with everything and told me everything looked good.

Until yesterday. I got a call from a ‘fetal cardiologist’ saying that she was a specialist and my case has been referred to her. She said she is not convinced this baby has a healthy heart and wants to see me again. So now I have to go there tomorrow for another scan.

Cue the stress.

But it actually worked out great in terms of timing.

This is so embarrassing, and I can’t believe I’m even about to write this. 

This morning I was inundated with pregnancy hormones and needed a bit of a relief… if you all catch my drift. 

I did my thing and then went to have a shower. Just before the shower I went to the toilet and obviously things were wet down there (oh god… my face is bright red right now). I don’t know what made me look at the toilet paper, but there was so much bright red blood. The first wipe was the worst, but there was a small amount each time I wiped after that. It seemed to slow down, so I wasn’t too concerned.

I guessed it was probably from… my release… and I didn’t have any cramping so I didn’t think too much of it.

About half way through my shower I started to feel like I was going to pass out. I turned the water to cold and sat down with my head between my legs. 

Then the cramps started.

It’s weird, because when I was about 25 weeks with Scarlett I remember cramping after orgasm, but it didn’t start this early.

I decided to lay down after my shower to give my uterus a chance to relax before I got changed and went back out to play with Scarlett, who was with my mum at the time in the lounge room. Before I left the bathroom I checked the bleeding and it had all but stopped. Literally had maybe 1 small spot of pink discharge with 4-5 wipes.

So I went to lay down and after about 5 minutes, I was just about to get up when I felt something come out of my vagina.

I wasn’t sure if it was a mass or blood, so I reached down to check, and sure enough, blood. To the point if was pouring out. Gushing. My fingers and hand were completely covered in blood and literally dripping just from touching the outside of my vagina. I got up super quick and shoved my towel between my legs. It just kept gushing. I couldn’t stop it and I started to feel dizzy. It was literally like someone turned on a tap in my vag. That’s how extreme is was pouring out.

I was still naked, so imagine my horror in having to call my mum into my room to help me get dressed, put a pad on and go to emergency. I wasn’t sure if I was about to pass out and imagine my mum walking into something like that. At least she had some pre warning before she had to help me get dressed.

The pad I had on, it was filled with blood in the 5 minutes it took to get to the hospital. A maternity pad, so very absorbent. I rushed into emergency and had blood running down my legs. They gave me another pad and I put that on, and within another 5 minutes that was full too.

So I put another pad on, and on the way to the bathroom, infront of about 10 people in emergency, a massive gush of blood went into the floor.

Immediately they got me in. They did my blood pressure and found it was very low, probably from the blood loss, and my heart rate was super high.

I was put into a room immediately and a doctor was in within about 15 minutes to chat with me. She told me that it sounds like a miscarriage. That I shouldn’t get my hopes up for a good outcome. That this almost never leads to a good outcome.

She wanted to see the pad I had on (the one I had put on about 15-20 minutes before) and she told me the bleeding looked like it slowed down.

She wanted to check my cervix. So in goes the speculum, but there was too much blood to see anything. She got some absorbent gauze and cleaned the cervix. She then watched it for a minute and told me it seemed the bleeding completely stopped. She also said my cervix was ‘long and closed’, which was apparently a good sign.

Since my cervix was closed, they started to question what was happening. The fact that I was bleeding so much indicated miscarriage, but usually your cervix is open during a miscarriage.

The doctor decided to keep me for an hour, then if the bleeding was still slow, they would send me home… WITHOUT an ultrasound.

I was mega pissed that they had no intentions of doing an ultrasound. I had one booked in for tomorrow anyway, but you expected me to wait over 24 hours for that?

Since the doctor was being no help, I spoke to a nurse who agreed she would call ultrasound and try to organise an appointment. 

Sure enough, the nurse came back in and said she organised it. 

About an hour later someone from ultrasound came to collect me and wheeled me in a wheelchair to the room. The sonographer came in and told me she had read my file and was familiar with my case. She asked the questions other doctors and nurses asked- am I in pain? How heavy was the bleeding? How long did it last? 

Then she started the ultrasound. She placed the probe on my belly and we saw the baby. He was so still. Completely opposite to how he had been last Friday.

She quickly turned the screen away from me. I started crying. Then she said ‘oh, there it is!’ And turned the screen toward me again. We saw the heartbeat, it was 159bpm. Then he started squirming around. He was alive!!

The sonographer printed me a photo of his face and his hand. I thanked her profusely and she just took it in her stride and claimed it was her job. But she had no idea what she had just done for me. Not only did she ease my mind, she also went above and beyond by dragging out the ultrasound just so I could look at him and accept everything was okay. Then she printed me a photo. She was amazing.

So I was strolled back into my room. Very soon after the doctor came in and gave me the results of the ultrasound. ‘Live uterine pregnancy with a SCH’. It was 3.5 x 4cm, which is apparently quite large. She said she would have hated to see its size before the bleeding.

Then she sent me home on the proviso that I come back if I start to bleed heavily again, or if I pass any clots or tissue.

You have no idea how relieved I am. Guys, I can’t even describe how much blood there was. It pooled in my hand, my towel was soaked through 90% of blood. As in, a big body towel you dry yourself with after a shower! I soaked two pads in 10 minutes and it still soaked my undies and ran down my legs onto the floor. I stood in a small pool of my blood before the nurse finally ushered me into the bathroom. My mum washed and soaked my towel after I left for emergency and she said she could have rung the towel out and produced at least a litre of blood with how much was still In it. She said the towel was heavy from all the blood.

The bleed has certainly slowed down now. I went and checked about 10 minutes ago and it was more like red stained mucous than anything. 

But now I’m sore. It’s not cramps, I’m just really tender and sore in the area where my uterus is. Not sure why it’s sore, but hopefully that eases up soon.

I’m not allowed to lift anything over 2kg for a week. No work for a week. ‘Modified bed rest’ is what they are calling it. I’m supposed to rest, and if I’m not laying down, I should be sitting down.

My mum is amazing. She is lifting Scarlett for me so I can change her nappies. She let me go lay down after I came home and looked after Scarlett without any issues. I’d be totally lost without her.

Anyway, here are some photos from the 12 week ultrasound last week. Wish me luck for tomorrow. Hopefully baby boy was just jumping around too much to get a good view of the heart. I’m praying there is nothing wrong with it/him.