Updates!

So last time I posted on here I shared the story about how my brother was having a baby and never told me about it.

Some new information has surfaced since then. Two days after I decided to message him and say congratulations. I apologised if I came off as rude, but it was simply shock and a whole world of hurt for not being told or included. I said that I know he would have his reasons but since I don’t know them and he isn’t willing to share them, that I can only assume that he didn’t want to tell me for the simple fact of my reaction or to he purposely hurtful. I told him I was super happy for him anyway. That I am so excited that my baby girl is going to have a cousin to grow up with who is so close in age. I told him that I’m always here for him- if he needs to talk or if he needs any help, that I am more than happy to do everything I can. I asked him if he would keep me more included in things since this is my niece or nephew and I would love to have a relationship with them and their mother.

The reply I got back was a bit strange, but cleared a lot of things up. So I don’t misquote, let me copy and paste the message. ‘Nuh lol Chantelle the baby isn’t actually mine. It’s hers and one of her friends. It wasn’t planned and we are together so it’s mine.’. 

So I replied with ‘I suspected something like that, and I don’t expect you to tell me the whole story. There is obviously more to it, otherwise you wouldn’t have stepped up, but I don’t expect the story. I am quite proud of you in fact. It takes someone who is mature and responsible to step up and take care of someone else’s baby and claim it as your own. I think it’s a very honourable thing to do. But either way, a huge congratulations is still in order. You’re going to be a dad! So how is all of this going to work? Are you going to move up there with her? Is she moving down here? Are you going to commute?’.

He replies ‘thanks. I’ll probably move up there for a year and if I can convince her to move down here, we will after a year.’.

I say ‘oh, cool. What about gender of the baby? Do we know? Or are we waiting for a surprise?’

He says ‘we are waiting until birth’.

We continue our conversation from there taking about mostly non-baby related things, like work and whatnot.

I’m glad he finally decided to talk to me. I’m glad everything got cleared up and now at least I know the truth. I’m still a bit upset he didn’t come to me originally. I don’t expect him to come to me first, but maybe second or third would have been nice, not last. Either way, I’m glad I’m in the loop now. And the fact it biologically isn’t his probably explains why he waited so long to tell me. I would like to believe that if he had’ve known from the beginning, he would have revealed earlier.

In other news! Scarlett is doing good! I was at a friends house the other day and we were talking about how we are renovating her nursery right now. I am still calling her ‘baby darl’ to everyone because I want to keep her name a secret until birth. Anyway, we were talking and they asked me if I had chosen her name. I told them that yes, I had, but I’m keeping it a secret until birth.

They begged and begged me to tell them what it was and I refused to say. You see, these friends, they are a couple. The female is absolutely supportive in anything I do, but the male is highly opinionated. I would have no issues telling the female, but the male would give his opinion and I just don’t want it. Plus, I can’t tell her without telling him, or she would tell him!

Anyway, the female friend says ‘can I guess?’. I say ‘you can, doesn’t mean I’m going to say yes or no’. And what is the first name she says? Scarlett. 

I just laughed and said ‘why would you say that?’ And she said it was because it was one of the names that I kept coming back to. I just laughed it off and said nothing. Then the male says ‘oh I hope its not Scarlett’. I ask why, and he replies ‘Scarlett makes me think of a “white trash teen brides” name. I can’t think of anyone upper class with the name Scarlett. No one will take her seriously!’.

I’m not sure where he got that from, but okay. Now, normally this is the part where I would complain because someone shamed the name I have chosen for my daughter, however, it was a very educational experience. I don’t know if it was because I’ve finally settled on her name or become comfortable with it, but when he said those things, I didn’t second guess my choice, I didn’t defend the name, I just accepted that not everyone will like her name and that’s their issue. I love her name and I hope she loves her name. That’s all that matters. Other people’s opinions just don’t come into play anymore. And that was enlightening!

In other news, my cat turned 8 yesterday. The day before I brought him into my work so we could do his first ‘senior health check up’ which included a thorough examination, an eye exam and a blood test.

I got the call today from one of the vets I work with for the blood results. The bloods show that his kidneys aren’t functioning properly. We have to confirm this with a urine sample, but if it is confirmed, it means he will have chronic kidney disease. 

Since he’s not showing any symptoms so far, it means we have caught it in the very very early stages, and if we start treatment now, it means he could live for another 5-8 years. Which is great, because a lot of cats die before they are 16. It will be a long road of medication, money and monitoring absolutely every aspect of his life, but he is so worth it. He’s my little cat.

It’s really weird how attached you become to animals. When I got the phone call today, I cried and cried and cried. Hours of non stop crying. It was exhausting (and likely made worse by pregnancy hormones!). But all I could think about was the fact that this is what will likely kill him. If this is confirmed, this is what he will die from. And I just couldn’t handle that. He is like my child. Every single day I wake up with him sleeping at my feet. As soon as he realises I’m awake, he gives me a meow, almost as if to say ‘good morning’ then gets up, rubs his head to my face, and lays on my chest. Unless I move him, he doesn’t move. He follows me around the house. He has conversations with me (more like, I speak and he meows). I feed him. I give him water, I change his litter, I wipe his fur when he accidentally poops on himself, I clean his vomit when he throws up a hairball, I build his scratching posts, I take him to the vets, I pay for his medical bills, I get him groomed so he’s comfortable, I don’t make my bed so he can easily get under the covers, I let him claw my curtains because he likes the texture. I picked him. Out of all the other cats I could have picked, I picked him. I just could not handle the thought of this little cat, my cat, not being here anymore. I can’t imagine the day where I have to wake up and not have him there with me. 

And honestly? I just don’t think I could handle losing him right now. He’s like my son. My fluffy, snuggly son. I need for him to meet my daughter. I want her to remember him and love him. I want for him to be healthy and happy. 

I guess everyone knows their pets are going to die someday, but not this soon. 5 years seems like a long time, but it’s not. It’s such a short amount of time. And it goes so quickly. 

So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that when I am able to get a urine sample to the vet, hopefully tomorrow, that the results will be fine and he won’t have something like CKD. I don’t know if knowing is better than not knowing. I don’t know if I can handle knowing what will kill him. I don’t know if I can handle having a countdown either. I feel like I would get to five years and start to freak out. I want him for as long as possible, but I want him happy and not in pain for the rest of his life, and that may come even sooner than 5 years. 

I guess right now I’m stressing over nothing. It hasn’t been confirmed yet so I can’t freak out until it has been confirmed. I’m thankful for a lot of things if he has it though, for example, that we caught it early. Thank god for that.

(P.S I know my posts have been super depressing lately, so im sorry about that! I don’t mean to be such a Debbie downer, I guess I’ve just had a series of unfortunate events occur and since I don’t have much else going on in my life, they are huge issues to me! Sorry again.)

Talk soon! X