General update

Hey all.

I haven’t updated for almost a month. The month has been relatively okay. I had a full week where I felt nearly fully recovered. Then I had some anxiety and things got a bit patchy, but overall I have most certainly improved. I started taking a herbal supplement called Affect-D, and so far I think it’s really working. It helps calm you, which is great for the anxiety.

Anyway, things haven’t been as bad. Would you believe that a lot has happened in the last month.

  1. I confronted my biological mother and brother about bitching about me and my illness behind my back. Instead of sitting on it and festering ill feelings, I just told them exactly what I thought about them. It was incredibly therapeutic and it was nice to have those feelings voiced. They of course didn’t like it though.
  2. I went back to work! Which was much needed since my bank had over $10,000 worth of debt and a total of $3 in my savings account 😳 I am only back for Sunday’s and public holidays right now, but I’ll gradually increase my shifts until I’m working 3-4 days per week.
  3. I’ve been alone with Reece now several times and it gives me NO anxiety at all! Yay!
  4. I feel like the bond between Reece and I is really growing. He’s just so cute and his personality is really starting to show
  5. Reece turned 5 months old. Holy shit. Where did that time go right?
  6. I’ve been consistently cooking dinner 3-5 times per week. As well as lots of lunches as well. Cooking is a task that is enjoyable for me but also productive, so I feel good after I’ve done it. Other tasks still overwhelm me right now, like laundry.
  7. My psychologist is happy to move our sessions to every 2 weeks, starting next week. She says I’m improving and don’t need weekly sessions. I made another weekly session for next week and then, if I’m still confident in that decision, I’ll go every fortnight (which will help the bank account greatly considering it’s $220 per session).
  8. Reece saw an ophthalmologist several times to determine if he had a condition. Long story short, he does not have a brain tumour like they suspected, but he does have damaged nerves in his neck from the forceps used during the c section to get him out. This causes his pupils to be two different sizes in the dark as his right pupil doesn’t get the message to dilate.

I can’t think of much else. We are good. The kids are doing well and I’m hanging in there. I’m still not where I want to be but I’m so much better than I was.

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8 thoughts on “General update

  1. Your babies are so cute 😍 they’ve grown so much!! I’m so pleased to hear how things are going for you Hun – I’ve been thinking and wondering lots xxx

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    1. Thanks lovely! I think so too 😊 it’s such a long road to recovery. I honestly thought things would be 100% over by now. But I know how slow recovery is now, and I guess the thing to focus on is that recovery is happening, it’s just slower than I would like 😊

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      1. I always remind myself to look at the big picture – in 10 years, 1 year is only 10% of that. And in 15 years, 1 year is even less. As the kiddies get older – this tricky time at the start gets a less and less percentage of theirs and your life. So you take all the time you need! Don’t hurry yourself, your recovery sounds like all things given – it’s coming along well. I’m proud of how well you’ve come xxxxxx

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      2. Yes you’re very right. I guess now I’ve sort of scared myself though, it’s terrifying to know that my mind could drag me to such a bad place… over having a baby. It scares me that one day I may just fall back into that place. And I mean, I have no evidence that will ever happen since I’ve never suffered from depression or anxiety except after having kids, so every sign points to it being a pregnancy/birth related thing for me. But it does scare me. Everyday it feels like I’m waiting to fall again, and that’s a terrifying feeling. My psychologist says that’s completely normal, it’s almost like PTSD, but like PTSD, as time goes on and your confidence grows, you get less and less scared. I know the tools to look after myself now and I’ll always have those tools, I guess it’s just really scary that I know my brain could do that to me. I am very lucky though because I got help so quickly. And I’ve literally drained my bank account getting help, because in the end, it’s better that I’m well and broke compared to unwell/dead with money.

        Also, I’ve just read a few of your recent posts and oh my god, she is sooooo cute!!

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  2. I’m so happy to read positive progress about you. Annnnnd girl?!Are you aware of the cuteness of these kiddos? Reece’s savage smile killed me ❤️ he looks like captions from memes. Also, both got your eyes, dominant genes much? Stay cool xx

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    1. Thanks lovely ♥️ I’m hoping to get better and better from here. But progress is something and I need to focus on the fact that things are starting to get better, rather than focusing on the anxiety I still have. That’s okay, I’ll get through it 😊

      And I am very aware! 😂 Of course, I am biased. I think they are both way too cute ♥️♥️

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