General update

Hey all.

I haven’t updated for almost a month. The month has been relatively okay. I had a full week where I felt nearly fully recovered. Then I had some anxiety and things got a bit patchy, but overall I have most certainly improved. I started taking a herbal supplement called Affect-D, and so far I think it’s really working. It helps calm you, which is great for the anxiety.

Anyway, things haven’t been as bad. Would you believe that a lot has happened in the last month.

  1. I confronted my biological mother and brother about bitching about me and my illness behind my back. Instead of sitting on it and festering ill feelings, I just told them exactly what I thought about them. It was incredibly therapeutic and it was nice to have those feelings voiced. They of course didn’t like it though.
  2. I went back to work! Which was much needed since my bank had over $10,000 worth of debt and a total of $3 in my savings account 😳 I am only back for Sunday’s and public holidays right now, but I’ll gradually increase my shifts until I’m working 3-4 days per week.
  3. I’ve been alone with Reece now several times and it gives me NO anxiety at all! Yay!
  4. I feel like the bond between Reece and I is really growing. He’s just so cute and his personality is really starting to show
  5. Reece turned 5 months old. Holy shit. Where did that time go right?
  6. I’ve been consistently cooking dinner 3-5 times per week. As well as lots of lunches as well. Cooking is a task that is enjoyable for me but also productive, so I feel good after I’ve done it. Other tasks still overwhelm me right now, like laundry.
  7. My psychologist is happy to move our sessions to every 2 weeks, starting next week. She says I’m improving and don’t need weekly sessions. I made another weekly session for next week and then, if I’m still confident in that decision, I’ll go every fortnight (which will help the bank account greatly considering it’s $220 per session).
  8. Reece saw an ophthalmologist several times to determine if he had a condition. Long story short, he does not have a brain tumour like they suspected, but he does have damaged nerves in his neck from the forceps used during the c section to get him out. This causes his pupils to be two different sizes in the dark as his right pupil doesn’t get the message to dilate.

I can’t think of much else. We are good. The kids are doing well and I’m hanging in there. I’m still not where I want to be but I’m so much better than I was.

8 thoughts on “General update

  1. Your babies are so cute 😍 they’ve grown so much!! I’m so pleased to hear how things are going for you Hun – I’ve been thinking and wondering lots xxx


    1. Thanks lovely! I think so too 😊 it’s such a long road to recovery. I honestly thought things would be 100% over by now. But I know how slow recovery is now, and I guess the thing to focus on is that recovery is happening, it’s just slower than I would like 😊


      1. I always remind myself to look at the big picture – in 10 years, 1 year is only 10% of that. And in 15 years, 1 year is even less. As the kiddies get older – this tricky time at the start gets a less and less percentage of theirs and your life. So you take all the time you need! Don’t hurry yourself, your recovery sounds like all things given – it’s coming along well. I’m proud of how well you’ve come xxxxxx


      2. Yes you’re very right. I guess now I’ve sort of scared myself though, it’s terrifying to know that my mind could drag me to such a bad place… over having a baby. It scares me that one day I may just fall back into that place. And I mean, I have no evidence that will ever happen since I’ve never suffered from depression or anxiety except after having kids, so every sign points to it being a pregnancy/birth related thing for me. But it does scare me. Everyday it feels like I’m waiting to fall again, and that’s a terrifying feeling. My psychologist says that’s completely normal, it’s almost like PTSD, but like PTSD, as time goes on and your confidence grows, you get less and less scared. I know the tools to look after myself now and I’ll always have those tools, I guess it’s just really scary that I know my brain could do that to me. I am very lucky though because I got help so quickly. And I’ve literally drained my bank account getting help, because in the end, it’s better that I’m well and broke compared to unwell/dead with money.

        Also, I’ve just read a few of your recent posts and oh my god, she is sooooo cute!!


  2. I’m so happy to read positive progress about you. Annnnnd girl?!Are you aware of the cuteness of these kiddos? Reece’s savage smile killed me ❤️ he looks like captions from memes. Also, both got your eyes, dominant genes much? Stay cool xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks lovely ♥️ I’m hoping to get better and better from here. But progress is something and I need to focus on the fact that things are starting to get better, rather than focusing on the anxiety I still have. That’s okay, I’ll get through it 😊

      And I am very aware! 😂 Of course, I am biased. I think they are both way too cute ♥️♥️

      Liked by 1 person

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