Taking a breath

Guys, I feel like I can breathe again. I don’t want to curse or jinx myself by posting this, but the last couple of weeks have been pretty good!

They haven’t been perfect, and there has been A LOT that has happened, but despite all these incidences I have coped very well!

For example, I finally confronted my brother for missing his nieces 2nd birthday, skipping my baby shower and having no interest in Reece what so ever (he hasn’t even met him and he’s 4 months old). That conversation ended up with him blaming me for his mistakes (stupid, right? Because I forced him to miss those events 😐) and having him admit that him and my biological mum have been talking behind my back about this illness and how weak I am etc.

They said a lot of really hurtful things about me. But I shouldn’t be surprised, both of them are very selfish and make everything about themselves. They don’t have a sympathetic bone in their body so I can’t expect them to understand.

Anyway, I confronted my biological mum after that too. Which ended with us cutting each other off (I’m sure she will contact me to see the kids so I don’t know why she wanted to cut ties).

I also had my first night in FOREVER alone with Reece and Scarlett. And it was fine. I implemented by coping strategies and did well. Reece literally slept through the entire thing 😂

So after a hectic few weeks, I’m proud of how I’ve pulled through.

The anxiety has eased up which has been amazing. My mood has levelled out completely and I’m almost feeling back to my normal self (well, I guess my normal self with a little anxiety and PTSD from this experience!).

It’s funny how many people I’ve spoken to who have been on antidepressants that I know. I’m so surprised that people keep their use of these drugs so secretive. I’ve never been one to be ashamed of something about myself and this is another part of my life. It was only that I’ve spoke up about it that my friends have been like ‘yes! I took an SSRI too’.

One thing a lot of them have said is that it blunted their emotions. Like, it didn’t make them happy or sad but at a baseline. They found they couldn’t cry while taking them and when they came off them that was the biggest thing they noticed. Well, I haven’t had that. I still can cry, and I did just the other day when I found out about my mum and brother. It was a hurt cry though, not a ‘I’m crying for no reason’ cry. The only thing I’ve really noticed on them is that my eyesight is still blurry and my memory is TERRIBLE.

Reece is going really well. He’s smiling more and giggling. He rolls from his back to front now. He plays with his hands and feet. He’s chatting away! He grabs things and puts them straight into his mouth. He still sleeps through the night. He’s still very calm and happy!

I got his 3 month photos back and I couldn’t be happier with them.

Things have been good. I’m so hoping that I don’t go back downhill again. I have been keeping active and eating better. Taking all my supplements and doing things to push myself.

I did delay going back to work until the second Sunday of March. I really hope going back to work doesn’t send me in a spiral.

Anyway, some comparison photos! 9 days to 3 months. Look at the hair change!!

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2 thoughts on “Taking a breath

  1. Gosh he’s really quite blonde now!! He’s gotten so big! Splitting image of you and Scarlett too. Can definitely tell you’re a family. Sorry that things haven’t been fantastic with your brother and biological mum – sometimes family makes things so hard. xxx

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