So today is my 8th day taking 10mg lexapro.
The day started like usual, I was super anxious when I got up. Super groggy from the added Valium. Tired but also wired. Shaking hands and tremors. And teary. Very teary.
But, I had organised last week to go Christmas shopping with my mum today. So I tried to suck it up. It would be a good distraction, right?
See, the thing is, when all you have eaten in three days is 3 dry biscuits and half a banana, you don’t feel great. Add that to the anxiety and the fact we were going out, it just wasn’t a good idea.
We ended up having to leave early. Because I almost had a panic attack and burst into tears in the shopping centre.
So we left but decided to still have a productive day and wrap some Christmas presents. Well, it seems that everything overwhelms me now a days because the Christmas presents were wrapped with me violently sobbing.
It’s almost comical… Christmas presents made me cry.
Anyway, I got a call from my psychiatrist. I told her how I haven’t declined any more but I haven’t gotten any better either.
She decided to quit the Valium. We are moving onto Ativan. Apparently it lasts slightly longer in your system and leaves quicker so you’re not stuck with the yucky side effects like drowsyness or nausea.
So I collected my script.
We had a doctors appointment for Reece tonight. I had anxiety at the doctor just because I was nervous about the results. All is fine so that’s a relief.
Anyway, on the way home I noticed I felt a little less anxious.
Once we got home I managed to eat a little- a ‘chicken fry’ and maybe 8 chips? I did drink a big frozen coke though.
Then I noticed that my anxiety was pretty low. Not gone, but low.
I know that once I sit down after dinner my anxiety peaks though, because I zone out from the tv and wonder if I’m ever going to get better.
I decided to take 0.25mg Ativan to see if I could prevent the anxiety. And guess what? It’s not bad at all. I feel better than I have in maybe two weeks.
I know it’s a short term thing, but it’s promising that I was feeling a little better before I took the tablet.
Again, maybe placebo affect, but it was nice to not feel so miserable for a little while.
I have read that sometimes that can be a sign that the lexapro is starting to work- that you get a small window of relief that slowly grows over time.
Please, please be working.