That is how I would describe this increase. Lexapro has caused no increase in anxiety so far for me. Nothing at all. Other symptoms, yes, but no increased anxiety.
Until this increase. Within about an hour of taking it I could feel the anxiety rising. And then it reached a fever pitch.
My skin was prickling. I got extremely hot. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. My chest was tight. My arms were tingling. It was like a long, constant ringing began in my ears. It felt like I was going to stop breathing.
And then I ran for my Valium.
Once I took it, I started crying. Like a fucking baby. Not again. Please not this again. I can’t handle another huge drug reaction.
I guess it’s safe to say the lexapro hasn’t made me numb or emotionless… yet.
The anxiety did calm down after I took 2.5mg of Valium. Then about two hours later it started to rise again so I took another 1.25mg. And it lowered again.
It kept me relatively calm until about 4 hours later when it started to creep up again. I had only had 3/4 of my 5mg tablet for the day so I decided to take another quarter as a preventative measure.
About 3 hours later I was ready for bed and the anxiety spiked yet again. I think this time I was anxious because of bed time. I knew that I was allowed more Valium for the day, so I took another quarter. And if it does nothing else, hopefully it will let me sleep.
And now I’m in bed.
Between all this anxiety, I’ve been an emotional mess. Crying on and off all day. I almost feel like I’m back at square one. My mood is lowered and my anxiety is heightened. Just yesterday I was feeling okay. I wasn’t feeling great but I didn’t feel this shitty. I felt stable, just not super happy.
Today I feel like the medication isn’t doing anything except making me anxious. I feel like I’m on that slippery slope again. No, I feel like I’ve already slipped down that slope and I’m waiting for how hard I’m going to crash.
My logical brain says that I know if I’m having side effects, it means the medication is working. It also says that this is just a reaction from upping the dose, especially since I was okay yesterday and nothing else has changed except a dose increase. I know it’s a short term problem, that these side effects will pass. I know that it gets worse before it gets better. I know this. But my brain isn’t commuting it.
I’ve found myself obsessively googling people who have had increased anxiety from lexapro and when it passed. Let me tell you that this is a bad decision, because of course you find people who say it never passed after they were on it several months and they ended up switching medications. Which heightens the anxiety even more. I thought I found the right medication.
There are also a lot of people who urge others in my situation to just hang in there because it gets better.
What I don’t understand is why I didn’t have increased anxiety at any other dosage. Or at least anxiety that wasn’t over something.
It’s like I hit therapeutic level for a drug and my brain rebels.
I’m finding myself questioning why I even started these meds. I’m terrified I’ll never get off them and that is just… I can’t even tell you the level of anxiety that gives me.
All in all, today has been a bad day. A really bad day.
And the bravest thing I’ll ever do is take that next 10mg lexapro tablet tomorrow morning. But I will. I will take it and I will hope with all my might that tomorrow the anxiety isn’t quite so bad. And that maybe I won’t be so terrified for the future. And maybe I won’t be so emotional.