Just as my hopes went up…

Blood. Lots of blood. Blood dripping into the toilet, that’s how heavy it is.

I woke up and had minor cramp like pains, but I’ve had them on and off since I found out I was pregnant, so I didn’t think to much of them.

They went away, so I was much more comfortable. My mum only had one child in care today so we decided to go shopping. We left at 9am and shopped until just before, about 2:30.

About 2:00 I started to feel a slight cramp, but then it went just as quickly as it came. About 30 seconds after it left I felt a gush. I was praying to all that is holy that it was just the crinone escaping. 

But I knew. I knew how watery it felt and how quickly I could feel it touching my underwear. I knew when it kept coming what was happening. I rushed as quick as I could to the nearest toilet, and I shut my eyes, pulled my pants down and prayed that when I looked at my underwear, that there would be a big white patch of crinone.

But that’s not what was there. I seen a big soggy patch of red. A lot of red.

And then I wiped, and it filled the toilet paper. And I wiped about 20 more times and it didn’t let up. It just kept going. So I sat there, and I cried in the public toilet until the dripping stopped.

And I wiped again and it had slowed down, slightly.

I got up thinking that there is nothing more I can do. And as I stood I felt more come out. Then I turned and looked into the toilet bowl. Where my hopes and dreams literally escaped me. It was a crime scene. So so so much blood.

So I stopped crying, I accepted it. My third miscarriage, at the ripe old age of 23. 

There was no cramping, but now I do feel some mild cramps. This is how the last miscarriage started. 

I rang the clinic, and I’m yet to hear from them. I assume they will want to ‘wait and see how it goes’. But I’m pretty confident what has happened. 

You know the worst part? I was so hopeful after the good blood test result and the great scan result yesterday. I thought that everything fell into place and this pregnancy was going to result in my second child.

But, clearly not. As upsetting as it is, I’m starting to believe baby #2 is not meant to be.

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8 thoughts on “Just as my hopes went up…

  1. Ohhhhh honey. Just at things were on the bright side. So sorry to hear, this sucks so blimmen much!!! Am guttered for you 😦 sending you lots of love, and lots of hugs. Am here if you need a friend! 😘😘xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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