1dp5dt / 6dpo

Today I’m feeling slightly crampy and somewhat emotional. I’m under no illusions that it’s because I’m pregnant. I mean, I could be and I think I will be, but I don’t know if the embryo has implanted yet.

My emotions have been up and down because of a certain set of ‘friends’. I’ve mentioned a few times on here that my best friend had a long term boyfriend who I was also very close to. We were like the three amigos. Literally did everything together, but since I had Scarlett, a lot changed.

Obviously it’s much harder to get out of the house with a baby. So instead of seeing each other every other day, it turned into every few weeks. Then once a month. Then once every two months. But that’s only happened recently.

Now it’s just here and there.

But she still refers to me as her best friend. And I thought I was, until a few recent things have changed my perspective.

I guess it started when I went on holiday. Of course, texting overseas is hard and costs a lot of money, so I told her that I would allow for a few messages a week in my holiday budget, but otherwise we would have to chat when I had access to internet. 

Problem is, do you know how hard it is to get Internet when you’re not in your own country? Most of the hotels didn’t offer free wifi, and obviously I wasn’t spending my days at maccas, so I did what I said. I texted her twice a week and sent other things when I had internet. 

The thing is, time zones. I would message her and it would be 3am, and she would get angry that I woke her up, so eventually, I just stopped messaging, because it was always in the middle of the night.

Well, when I got back to Australia, she was pissed that I hadn’t updated her.

I did however try to meet up with her, but once I got back, I was working 6 day weeks for a month. So I was only free on Fridays, which is apparently isn’t a good day for her. So that was fine, I offered to come around after/before work. I alternated between 6am-3:30pm, or 1pm-9:30pm. But that never worked for her either because she was always busy then.

Which was fine. I stopped working 6 day weeks and became more flexible, and eventually, we caught up. And it was fun, so fun. It was great to catch up and I really enjoyed the evening.

And in between this, I got pregnant.

And when I told her that I had a positive pregnancy test and that I was so excited, she messaged me and said ‘isn’t it a bit early to know if you’re pregnant?’.

No congratulations or ‘I’m happy for you’, she didn’t even wish me well. When I told her it wasn’t too early to know, but yes, it was too early to start telling people, she replied ‘then maybe you should have waited’.

What the fuck? Waited to tell my best friend I was pregnant? It shouldn’t matter if something happened because either way, she should be supporting me. Anyway. I dismissed that and ignored the comments.

Then I won 2 free movie tickets. I actually get free movies quite often from my nan (she always goes in those competitions) but this time I won them, problem was, they have a quick expiry date (4 weeks from when I got them). Me and this friend always use the free movie tickets, ski immediately told her to keep an eye out for a movie she wants to see.

I never heard from her. I messaged her again, 2 days later, asking if she got my message, and she replied ‘yes’. I didn’t hear from her a week later asking if she had found a movie, and if she hadn’t, I was interested in one. Again, no reply. I messaged her another week later, and asked if she wanted to make a time to go to the movies in the next week because the tickets were about to expire, and she messaged me back saying that she was busy for the next three weeks.

Okay, fair enough. I ended up taking my nan a few days later. 

While we were at the cinemas, I could have sworn that I saw my friend there, but the person was walking into a movie theatre further away from mine. Of course it couldn’t be her, because she was busy for the next 3 weeks.

But of course, it was her. Later that day, she checked herself in at the movies and said ‘spontaneous movie day! We saw a cheeky 2 movies before we decided to have dinner then go home’. 

So that hurt. It hurt a lot. But I didn’t mention it. Funnily enough, she checked herself into the movies two more times over that 3 week period.

So then we made a time to meet up, after a lot of turmoil. She’s finished uni for the year and is working 2 days a week, on a Saturday and on a Monday. I work on a Sunday, and honestly, after working an 11 hour day I have no energy to go out for dinner. So weekends are out. But apparently her only free day is on a Sunday. I asked her why, and she said she’s busy all the other days of the week.

I asked her what she was busy doing, and she said ‘not sure, but I’ll find something’.

So after no compromise on her behalf, one Sunday I finished work at 5:30pm, after waking up at 4:30 and starting work at 6:30am. I went back home, got Scarlett’s dinner ready, dressed her in her PJS, packed her nappy bag, packed the car with the portable high chair and some toys, and made the 45 minute journey there. I didn’t get there until 7pm, and she was complaining when I was ready to leave at 9. 

I tried to calmly explain to her that if I stay until 11pm like she wants me to, it’s good for her, but not for me. If I leave at 11, she is dressed and in bed by 11:15. I’ve still got a 45 minute journey home, then I have to go out Scarlett to sleep, wait until she is out completely, then I have to unpack the car. Then unpack the nappy bag. I have to wash and dry scarletts dirty dishes and put them away. Then I have to get ready for bed, which means I’m not in bed until 1am or close to it.

While she can sleep in until 11am, I am probably going to be up at least twice with Scarlett, then no matter what, she’s awake at 6:30 the next morning. And that’s after working an 11 hour day.

So I left at 9, and I got the door slammed in my face on the way out.

That was last month. I didn’t feel the need to contact her until she wanted to contact me. And about two weeks ago I heard from her, asking me to meet up again. She asked me around for lunch during the week. I accepted and went with Scarlett, and when we got there, she said ‘oh, I didn’t think you were going to bring scarlett’. 

What? Of course I was going to bring her. Why wouldn’t i? 

Anyway, we had lunch and she told me that the week after she was going away with her boyfriend. A little romantic getaway. I told her I thought it was super cute and I was jealous that I wasn’t invited! I told her that I would love to go away again.

Then last week came, and she tagged herself at the place she was staying at. A nice cozy 5 bedroom cabin on the beach at lakes Entrance. She tagged herself with her boyfriend… and also two of the girls she went to school with, AND one girl she goes to uni with. 

I really wanted to comment on the post and say ‘NICE ROMANTIC GETAWAY YOU LIAR’. But I took the high road and ignored it. That was until she personally sent me a photo of all of them at the beach. 

That was when I asked her why the others were there, and she replied that they were always going to come, and that it had been planned for 2 weeks. I asked her  why she told me it was only her and her boyfriend, and she told me that the others ‘hadn’t confirmed’ yet. I told asked her how they hadn’t confirmed when I saw her a week ago, and she knew two weeks before that, because it was planned.

She ignored me and never replied. The next day her boyfriend messaged me and said ‘it’s too bad you couldn’t make it, we are having so much fun!’. I replied and told him that I was never invited and I could have infact made it. 

It turns out, my best friend had told him that she invited me and that I said no. When she was sprung out on her lie, I asked why she didn’t only not invite me, but why she lied about it.

Her reply? ‘Well, you have Scarlett so…’

I asked her to clarify what that meant, and she said ‘none of the rest of us have kids so…’.

Ahhh, so she wanted a kid free holiday, without the guilt of not inviting me.

You know, it’s fine she didn’t want to holiday with me or go to the movies with me, but I feel like she’s doing things to intentionally hurt me. Tagging herself places, sending me photos. Why else would you do that?

So anyway, today, she asked me to come around, and I told her no, I’m busy for the next two weeks. I’m not busy, but I need to calm down before I see her and do something I regret.

There’s my daily rant. Oops.

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