Is that acceptance?!

So if you have been following me lately, you know that I have been considering having a second baby. Not quite yet, but maybe starting to try within the next year.

Well, I brought it up to my mum a few times and her answer was the same each and every time- ‘no, not happening’.

I do understand, she helps out with Scarlett a lot! Whether that be money wise, taking her for a few hours of a morning so I can actually get a small, uninterrupted sleep, and even emotionally. She loves Scarlett and loves to play with her and just be with her. She looks after her while I’m at work or studying. She even offers occasionally to take her for a few hours so I can go see a movie with friends or have some ‘me’ time.

The point is, it’s a large burden on her. She has essentially taken on the ‘dad’ role in the relationship. We have a partnership going and it works, Scarlett is obviously fed and growing exactly the way she should. She is happy and loving. And I think a lot of that is down to my mum. I don’t know where we would be without her. Those first few months when I was battling PPD were really difficult and I’m not sure how I would have coped without her.

I understand she wants me to finish Uni so I have a degree. I understand that we don’t have a seperate room for a baby at this point so if I did have another, Scarlett and that baby would have to share a room when they are older. Scarlett still sleeps with me and I imagine another baby would put a spanner in that situation. A new baby would also probably sleep with us, and do three in a bed work? Maybe if I upgrade to a king sized bed…. But even still, is it fair that Scarlett gets woken up by a new baby whenever he/she cried? Is it then fair to kick Scarlett out of bed and have the new baby sleep there? I feel like I’d be betraying Scarlett. And I love co-sleeping! Can you sleep in a bed with two babies though?

There are plenty of reasons why I Shouldn’t have another baby. I may not handle it emotionally. I worry Scarlett will dislike a sibling. I worry she will feel rejected if another baby comes along. I worry how I would cope with two, and the logistics of two- the would outnumber me, it would be so much harder just to pop into the shops, less money, less holidays, less chance to involve each child in extracurricular activities, more emotional stress, I’m almost guaranteeing a hectic 4 years ahead, and I’ll have no free time, which means almost no more reading or sitting down to watch a few episodes of greys anatomy while the children sleep.

I get its going to be hard, but I really do think it’s something I want to do. 

I’m still undecided about whether I want to do another cycle of IVF, but I at least want to give that embryo in the freezer a go.

Anyway, yesterday I was telling my mum that since Scarlett has moved into size 1 clothes, that I need to clean out her drawers, keep the cute things and donate the things that I won’t use again. My mum turned around and said ‘I don’t think you should be getting rid of any clothes’. I asked why, and she replied with ‘well if you’re talking about having another baby, how practical is it to donate clothes and re buy everything when you’ve already got clothes for it if it’s a girl?’.

You could have knocked me over with a feather. Was this acceptance? Did she approve of the fact I want to have another? Is it strange that as soon as she said that, I got a little bit scared because now the thought could actually eventuate into a baby.

I do worry how I’ll cope with two. I imagine that first year is going to be filled with struggling and just living day to day. But I’m also excited by the prospect.

I have concerns of course, like how I’ll cope with money, what I’ll do about uni, and how Scarlett will cope.

I love Scarlett and I want to give her everything. She is doing swimming lessons and mini maestros right now, and I feel like with a second baby I might not be able to provide her with everything I want to. I’ll be torn between wanting to give her my undivided attention and also trying to settle a baby. 

I know the saying ‘one is like one and two is like twenty’, and I completely believe that. Simple things also concern me, like if something ever happened to my mum (God forbid) finding care for 1 child is easier than finding care for 2. And even support. It take a village to raise children, and whilst people say they will help, you can’t always rely on that.

I guess I’m also doubting my own abilities. I think my experience with a baby was tainted by the PPD and I didn’t see the light for a long time.

But I do think I want to try. I guess I’ll keep thinking about it and make my decision late this year/ early next year. I won’t be doing anything until at least November, and probably won’t actually start a transfer until February if I decide to go ahead.

Time will tell, I’m sure. I’m also open to any and all advice! 😄😄

Talk soon! X

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4 thoughts on “Is that acceptance?!

  1. I just wanted to say that of course there are tons of reasons not to have a second child now or in the next few years, there are also tons of reasons on the pro side. Whatever you decide in the best interest of your family will be just right!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks lovely, I guess I’m just a worrier, so I worry about everything that could possibly go wrong. In actual fact, everything will probably work out for the best, but I guess it is a scary process! Gaining a whole new family member that I will raise. It’s daunting!

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  2. I have the same debate in my head constantly about having a third child one day. We have lots of embryos left and don’t want to throw them away, but knowing they’re waiting for us puts a bit of pressure on me and I think about them constantly. The plan was to somehow donate remaining embryos to another family once we have completed our family. We shall see what happens. I just know I’m not making any decisions now. Once the girls are 3-4, I feel I’ll be able to make a more informed decision.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, exactly! For me, I think about the embryo I have in storage and I just know I need to give it a chance. Even if it doesn’t work out, then I know that I gave it a go and it wasn’t meant to be. If I had twins I would be right there with you, waiting until they were much older. Naturally, you already have double the workload that I ever did! I want to get the newborn/baby period out of the way so they grow up together. I know by the time Scarlett is 2 she will be in the toddler period, so technically I am taking a step back, but I feel if I waited until she was 4 or 5, that it would be a bigger shock to the system for both her and myself. Hopefully a baby will fit nicely into a routine around Scarlett and the juggling won’t be too difficult. Fingers crossed! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

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