Some people…

I sometimes wonder about people’s mentalities. Sometimes I wonder what the human population is coming to.

Today I lost my shit. Not just a small hissy fit, but a big, yelling, ugly crying rage of an outburst.

If you knew me, you would know that it takes a lot to set me off, so these outbursts don’t occur very often. And when they do, they have been provoked.

The day started terribly. Poor Scarlett woke up (at 4:30am, mind you!) with a chesty cough. She coughed so hard she vomited once. I almost took the day off work, but my mum assured me she was fine having Scarlett.

She gave me updates during the day, which was really helpful, but the whole thing had me stressed.

All of you know that I am going on a big holiday starting in September of this year. For that trip I am organising a passport for Scarlett. To get a passport, you need someone who is not related to you (and who also has a current, valid passport of their own) to guarantee that the photo you are submitting is a true photo of yourself- or Scarlett in this case.

The only person I know who is not related to me with a passport is J.

You guys may remember me talking about S- the girl who told me she couldn’t afford to get the whooping cough vaccine, then threw a hissy fit when I told her we would see her when Scarlett was 8 weeks old, then made it out like I misunderstood and she planned to get the vaccine the whole time.

Well, S is J’s daughter.

I don’t have a lot to do with S anymore. We talk occasionally, but we have both sort of drifted off in different directions and don’t have a whole lot in common anymore.

Well, today after work I went around to their house to get the paperwork and photo signed. Sure enough, S was there.

I said hi and we got to talking. 

We were probably talking for half an hour when she mentioned one of her friends was going through IVF and it looked like they were going to need to use donor sperm because his sperm ‘wasn’t cutting it’. 

We proceeded to talk about this person, then S asked about a conversation she overheard at a family dinner two months back. My cousin (who is 20) was talking to her mum about wanting to do the same thing I did to have a baby.

My cousin has an intellectual disability which is genetic. A doctor has told her if she wants to guarantee a child without the condition, she will have to do IVF.

That got her mind rolling and she has decided that if she doesn’t have a boyfriend by the time she is 25, she will undergo IVF with a sperm donor.

This is public knowledge, but a conversation S really shouldn’t have been listening to.

When I confirmed she heard right, S said ‘I can’t believe her mum and dad would encourage that. I would never want that for my daughter’.

I was so confused at this point. Want what? The disability? IVF? A sperm donor baby?

I asked what she meant and she told me ‘having a baby with a sperm donor’. I asked her why that would be a bad thing, and she went on a rant. She said that a child should never be subjected to something like that. That it was unnatural. That in the long run, it would cause the child more problems.

She said this to my face. Right in front of me.

HELLO YOU FUCKTARD, IM NOT SURE IF YOU REMEMBER BUT MY DAUGHTER IS A SPERM DONOR BABY AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HER!!!

I told her, actually very calmly at this point, that I disagreed with her opinion and would appreciate it if we moved on from this topic.

But she kept going, didn’t she.

‘I won’t allow my daughter to have a baby without a partner. Being a single parent is hard and I wouldn’t put her through that. I wouldn’t allow her to use a sperm donor. She will be married before I allow her to have children’

I’m not joking or exaggerating, this came out of her mouth.

I proceeded to tell her that there is nothing wrong with using a sperm donor to make a baby. That sure, you’re doing it on your own, but that can also have its benefits. You don’t argue about parenting choices, names, or anything to do with picking out things for the baby. You have complete free reign. You don’t have to ever worry about custody of it doesn’t work out, they are yours for life. And even still, you could have a partner who doesn’t help out anyway, so you’re doing the same thing without any arguments.

She told me that I was stupid if I believed that and that she wouldn’t allow it. She said that any parent who allowed their children to go through with something like that didn’t care about their children or future grandchildren because they weren’t looking out for their best interests. She said that anyone who goes through it is ‘desperate’ with ‘low self esteem’ and that the baby will end up with issues anyway since one of their parents didn’t allow them the opportunity of two parents.

This is when I lost it.

I said (something along these lines- I was sort of in a blackout of rage…):

‘SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND STOP INSULTING MYSELF AND MY DAUGHTER. YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SPERM DONATION OR IVF SO YOU DONT GET AN OPINION. ALSO, IF YOUR DAUGHTER IS ANYTHING LIKE YOU, SHE WILL BE TOO STUBBORN TO LISTEN TO YOU AND MAY END UP PREGNANT AT 16 OR WITH A COCAINE ADDICT WITH A FUCKING CRACK BABY’

I told her to go fuck herself and her stupid, arachaic opinions. I said I hope her daughter turns out as perfectly as she has ‘allowed’ and that we will see in 20 years time if the child who was made by ‘mistake’ AND NOW HAS DIVORCED PARENTS WHO DO NOTHING BUT FIGHT AND SWEAR AT EACH OTHER AND BRING THEIR CURRENT FLINGS AROUND THE CHILD is any more messed up than than the one who was made with nothing but love, by a mum who desperately wanted her and gave up her savings and youth to have her, and a dad who altruistically sacrificed knowing his child for 18 years just so she could be created and loved by a woman who wouldn’t have had the opportunity to have a baby otherwise.

On review:

-Both sets of parents live seperate

-Both children have single mums

-One child is surrounded by parents who hate each other, the other has 1 loving mother

-One child begs her mum and dad to stop fighting, the other won’t know any different

-One child is subjected to new males and females sleeping in mummy or daddy’s bed every god damn week, the other sleeps with mummy

-One child was a mistake and is told so regularly (not in a malicious way, just like ‘Aren’t you glad you’re at the zoo and I didn’t terminate you when I planned to’ or ‘I’m really glad made a mistake with the birth control and had you’), the other is told how much she is loved every day

-One Childs dad constantly makes plans with her and bails at the last minute, the other will never have to experience that

-One child’s dad says he will go to daddy day at school then never comes, the other will bring mummy, poppy or an uncle to those days

I think I’ve made my point. I was just so mad she had these opinions when her life isn’t sunshine and rainbows. To be so blatantly disrespectful and rude, especially when she knew exactly what I went through just to get Scarlett.

I do wonder about people.

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4 thoughts on “Some people…

  1. You make some very valid points, even if you were married and had children, that doesn’t always guarantee that the parents will stay together. Everyone does what works for them, whether single parent or not but to judge someone on their choices is not cool. You seem like a great mom, keep up the good work and push out the negativity ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ugh. People are shitbags. I would have said similar.
    Sometimes people struggle with our donor jot being Eden’s “father”. They say “but what if she wants to know her dad?” And don’t seem to get that “dad” means a HELL of a lot more than sperm.
    Maybe you opened her mind a little. Probably not… But maybe
    Xx

    Liked by 1 person

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