The Meeting!

GUYS!

Okay, so i’m freaking out a little. This guy i’ve been talking to online. His name is Mathew. I have already told you a lot about him. Well, the other day we were chatting and I told him that I was meeting my friend at this milkshake place that I had wanted to go to for forever.

He told me to send a photo of the milkshake that I get, then asked if I wanted to meet him there next wednesday.

Holy fuck. Cue stomach dropping into my shoes and immediate sick feelings!

I dont talk about this very much, but I have very low self esteem. It’s very strange, because I am a very confident person. I will happy get on stage and perform or get up and do a public speaking gig without an issue. But anything that is attributed to myself, I just completely shut down.

I’m overweight. Not by just a little bit either. I know that. It doesnt particularly bother me, that is until it comes to something like this.

When it comes to dating, I have always been so self concious. Being self concious started my low self esteem issues and it has just escalted through the years.

I’m terrified that I am going to meet him and even though he has seen photos of me, and even though he has been getting to know me for weeks, I’m terrifed he will take one look at me then think ‘well shit. hell no!’.

Which is why (in my head) I had a plan to not meet him for at least a month so that I could lose some weight and feel a little better about myself. But then he asked.

I wasnt sure what to do, and now I’m even more unsure. I wanted to add him on facebook so that we could both check out each others profiles before we actually see each other. When I asked him, he said he deleted his facebook profile after him and his ex-fiance seperated. He said he mainly had it for her and her friends, and after they broke up and most of their friends picked her, he decided to get rid of it completely.

This is a reasonable explaination. I know several people in real life who have done this as well.

But im still so scared.

My mum is completely unsupportive of internet dating. She thinks only ‘weirdos’ and ‘desperate’ people turn to online dating. To be fair, she did know a few people who tried it and had terrible experiences with it (one of her friends was raped on the first date of the person she met online). But because of this, I havent told her that I am meeting him on wednesday.

Because he didnt have facebook, I asked if one of my friends could come along, and he was fine with that. But I hate lying to my mum. I really want to tell her because I am sure she will like him. He has everything that she thinks I need in a man- a full time job, aspirations, wanting to buy a house, stable family, and a sense of humour. He has all those attributes and so much more.

But im also scared of telling her. Once I tell her, I cant take it back. So if i tell her, then meet him on wednesday and he is disgusted in me, what do i do then?

How do I discreatly ask him ‘Hey, you know I’m fat right?’. On the dating site, there wasnt an option for ‘obese’. There was thin, athletic, average, and ‘an extra few pounds’.

I picked the extra few pounds because I dont fit into the other categories, but what if he thinks he is meeting someone who is literally only ‘an extra few pounds’. Thats what he put himself down as, and I can tell you, he doesnt look overweight at all. AT ALL. What if he legit thinks he is meeting someone skinny.

I’m going to be 100% honest here, how can he find me attractive if I dont find myself attractive?

I’m literally so close to just cancelling. I am freaking out about everything. What if he feels obligated to sit there and meet me if all he is thinking in his head was ‘I didnt think she was this fat’. What if he outright tells me hes not interested anymore.

It would be a shame, because he seems really nice and I can see a lot of potential in him. I love the fact he is a single dad- he will understand that the children come first. I love that he has a sense of humour. I love that he actually sends me paragrahs when he answers my questions rather than little ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. I love that he hasnt once brought up sex yet. Not once. I love that he wants to work and he wants to buy a house. I love that he wants a serious relationship and values family.

He literally has so much potential, and I think that my body may literally ruin all that. But then if I cancel, I suspect that would be even worse, because then he might think I dont want to meet him.

It’s not that I dont want to meet him, it’s that I dont want to meet him in the shape I’m in now. And I’m really, really scared.

These are the photos I posted on the dating site. Honestly, by looking at these, would you realise that I’m a lot overweight?

   
    
   
I would say this is an accurate photo of my body. Would you have suspected from the above photos? Or is he in for a shock?

   
    
    
   

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8 thoughts on “The Meeting!

  1. Chantelle, I think those photos are beautiful & perfect. It’s easy to jump to negatives about ourselves so I want to focus on the positives right now just for a second. These photos show your smile that almost lights up even brighter when you are around baby Scarlett, which shows your love, passion and care for family and those that you love. It shows your beautiful skin that many would envy. These photos show a beautiful person who seems to glow from the inside out who is happy, genuine and quietly confident in the person that she is. I can honestly tell you that this guy can see everything in you that is in these photos (even if to you some might be negative), but I can promise you that you’ll do great. If he reacts anything less than what you want, then he can move along! Xx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Aw, thank you lovely. You are right, I do know that. But it is hard to get over years of lessening self confidence. I guess you’re right. I think this might be good for me to do. If he isn’t interested anymore, then I guess he wasn’t the right one. If I put myself out there the first time, maybe every other time after that it won’t be so hard. Thanks again lovely, you’re very sweet! Xxx

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  2. Totally. What eveclo said! If you’re not ready to take this chance, then don’t take it. You’re the only one who knows. It wouldn’t be fair to you or to the ‘perfect’ guy to be starting something without being honest to yourself & to one another. If he’s a guy worthy of your time and affection, he won’t care about the things that you seem to be really insecure about. Hoping that he’s completely normal, sweet, and loves every part of you and helps you see just how beautiful every inch of you is. Know that you’re worth it. Good luck on your date!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, you’re right. I think I just need to push my insecurities aside and just take the chance. I guess it will go one of two ways, won’t it? Either nothing will come of it, or something will! I guess we will go from there 🙂 thank you lovely! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think your pictures are a good representation of everything you said – it’s a lot more than others would be willing to post.

    I understand where you’re coming from as a woman who doesn’t consider herself skinny by any means. I met several guys online during my college days and I will say that not all went well where I never talked to the guy afterwards. The thing is, you won’t know unless you try. I had a lot of the feelings when I met my husband but by the end of the night I was convince he was “the one” and here we are 11 years later. I say go for it and see what happens.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. No worries at all! I’m happy to share about any of my experiences, good or bad. 🙂 Are you on facebook? If you are and want to add me, feel free. Then you can just message if you like. Kendra Woehl. Profile pic is my daughter.

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  4. I agree with the others!! Your pictures are definitely a mixture of home chilling out look and then out and about glammed up look. And that is fine/good buuuut Bottom line is hun – dont worry about your appearance. It is what is within that matters :). If he is a good guy – he too will see whats within before anything else. And it sounds like there is a good chance he is a keeper! 🙂 insecurities to the side for the day – be confident in who you are as a person – not the product 🙂 🙂 All the best for the date! You’ll have to let us all know how it goes xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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