So today, sure enough, I woke up with a full blown chest infection. Coughing up globs of bright green phlegm and even some blood in one cough later in the day. Anyway, long story short, I went to the doctors and got some antibiotics.
Something I forgot to ask about in the last post, is how do you prevent your nearly 5 month old baby from getting a cold from you when you are their primary carer, you sleep together, and bathe together.
Realistically, the answer is, you can’t.
Imagine my surprise (not! Lol) when Scarlett woke up today super grumpy with a runny nose.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I really don’t handle boogers well. The usual outcome is me gagging and having to remove myself from the situation.
So picture this. Here we are about to go to bed tonight when I notice Scarlett is pretty congested. We have one of those electric snot suckers that work absolute miracles, so I used that.
I always find they work best if I get the larger nostril piece, put it in one nostril, then quickly push down on the opposite one. Since it creates a better suction, we get more boogers.
Well, this time there was so many boogers that it filled up the nostril piece, to the point where I couldn’t remove the large nostril piece without dropping boogers all over my fingers.
So there I am gagging because four of my fingers are now covered in snot. I’m thinking ‘it’s okay Chantelle, it’s only going to get better from here. Once you wipe it off, all will be fine’. I go into my wipes container, which lives right next to her change mat (where we were doing the snot sucking) only to find no wipes left.
‘Okay, what do I do now’ *gag* ‘maybe I should wipe it on my tee shirt’ *gag* ‘maybe I should wipe it on her tee shirt’ *gag* ‘maybe I should wake my mum up so she can stand with her while I go wash my hand’ *gag* ‘actually, there is her tee shirt for tomorrow. Yup, it’s worth the sacrifice’ *gag*
I wipe it on her tee shirt, and hey presto, we are good!
I put the smaller piece in her nose and get the hard pieces out, and about 1 minute later we are done. I get the sacrificed shirt and wipe around her nose then turn her head side to side to make sure I haven’t missed anything.
Anyone with experience would know that to check if you’ve missed boogers you have to get your face relatively close to theirs, otherwise you really can’t see properly.
Now imagine me. The person who gags when people talk about snot. The person who can’t stand looking at snot. The person who really wants nothing to do with snot at all.
The person whose daughter just sneezed and flung snot all over her mouth, nose, eye and forehead.
I couldn’t open my mouth, or the snot would literally go straight inside (it was literally on the seam of where my lips meet). I couldn’t open one eye (it was hanging, LITERALLY HANGING from my eyelashes). And I couldn’t breathe in one nostril as the booger was already technically in my nostril.
Have you ever tried to breathe out of one nostril? NO YOU HAVENT BECAUSE ITS IMPOSSIBLE AND DOESNT WORK AT ALL! So when I finally breathed in after holding my breath for what seemed like forever, I sucked that little fucker up my nose and essentially ate it.
Ohh, if you think I was gagging before, imagine me now. I was full on, no restrictions gagging and I could not stop.
I couldn’t open my mouth so I ended up pressing my lips together which actually just ended up smooshing the booger further around my lips, which made me gag more.
I had tears pouring down my face, not from crying (although, let’s be honest, my thoughts were simply hysterical), but from the constant, gut wrenching gagging.
I was gagging so hard that I pee’d myself a little. Yeah, I’m not too proud to admit it. I gagged so much I had to change my underwear.
And all the while Scarlett is smiling and giggling thinking it’s the funniest thing in the world.
I couldn’t even use the sacrificed shirt because it was covered in snot already and it’s more likely that I would be wiping more snot ONTO me, rather than OFF me.
After gagging for a good two minutes I managed to lift Scarlett and put her on the floor during this gagging fit (with one eye closed) and race to the bathroom. On my way there, the hanging booger from my eyelashes dropped onto my cheek and I briefly thought about drowning myself in the sink when I got there, but only realised that I would then be submerging my face into water that would have boogers floating around in it.
‘What if they got in my hair?’
‘Well I guess it wouldn’t matter because you would be dead’
Once the boogers were washed off, I made my way back to Scarlett.
I picked her up and told her that ‘you can’t blow boogers on mummy’s face. If you do it again she will probably actually vomit on you. Do you want that?’.
She gave me a big cheesy grin, so I responded with a grin.
Then she sneezed again. Into my open mouth. Onto my tongue.
Being a mum is fun.